I have a dark shameful secret that I need to part with...it is too heavy to carry alone.
It is literally eating me inside out. I cannot bear it any longer. It makes me feel awful about myself, and when I look at my husband, I feel goosepumps forming all over my body.
How will I tell him?
I have a shameful secret, it is disgusting and it is heavy.
As I write, I am hoping to wrap this piece in thirty minutes, so I can prepare for church.
Perhaps there, I will find my cleansing. Perhaps God will forgive me and perform a miraculous intervention, whereby my husband will forgive my sinful indulgence.
Perhaps....oh but I know this husband of mine very well...it would take Jesus in the flesh himself, to forgive me of such an evil sin.
I do not blame him.
In an effort to start self cleansing and conscience clearing,before I blog this piece (and it has been a while - thanks to the festive season...come on, I have a life afterall), I started this day by throwing out everything that I do not need and should not even be possessing in my fridge.
All the frozen jelly that I've kept on hand in case I needed to whip up a five minutes 'trifle', all of the ready made custard boxes, christmas pies, cream, buddings, pies and more pies. Left over ham on bone, some turkey, (all frozen), cup cake mixes, scone mixes, muffin mixes (my eldest daughter is going to throw a tantrum at this, she's the baking freak not me - I just like to test it all for her). I started to take out the wine too, but thought 'better not', in case this may further aggravate my husband's perceived bad mood, when come the time I must part with my ugly secret...it may be the only comfort that he can turn to, given that I've thrown out all the comfort food we have had in storage from Christmas week.
You see my dear followers and readers - I cannot stall this any longer...I have gained 2.5kgs over the last three weeks. Since February 10 2014, I have not gained an anounce until now.
And it is killing me. When I jumped on the scale on the 6th of January 2015 - it screamed out the extra 2.5kgs in bold RED at me! I only told two of my closest mates at work...and judging by the amount of animosity and disappointment I received from them, I cannot imagine my husband's reaction.
He is one of those former athletes, who live in their former glory days most of the time and prides himself on not gaining anything over 2kgs in the past decade. He is my toughest critic since my weightloss journey started.
And ... for every single day...and I mean each, single, 24 hours of the day of every day of 2014, he would say to me "you are going to put it back on, if you do not watch what you're eating". Or if I failed to make my minimum 3 days a week walk/run or gym, he would say "You are not doing enough and mark my words you will put it back on".
Now do you understand why I am dreading the time for revelations so much???
He is too practical to be the kind of guy who will think first before they point out - "I told you so!" No matter how much that small statement is going to crush my world, he will not think twice about saying it!
So I am hoping to show him my latest blog update to read, as my revelation, and perhaps that would make not make the blow so hard. While I'm at it, I think I better drag him to church first, and then give it to him to read, when I've cooked all his favourite (extremely healthy) dishes for lunch today and I'll tell him that I've thrown out all of the children's chocolates as well. Damn the bloody chocolates - this is ALL their darn fault. Oh and the alcohol as well, (what is a festive season without your merry joy joy drinks right?)I'm going to dump all the left over bourbons and vodka in the sink. I shall do it in front of him, and I'm sure this will make him a little happy...a little.
IT'S ABOUT BEING BETTER TODAY THAN YOU WERE YESTERDAY
OKAY enough of the feeling sorry for myself and I'm so scared revelations. I'm sooo over it already. Unapologetic much?
OKAY lets face facts. In February 2014 I weighed at 142kgs prior - my bariatric surgery operation. Prior to that I had weighed a whopping 165.3kgs (the heaviest I had ever been).
Which means I had managed to lose 23.3kgs all on my own.
Since post op, I have lost all up over 54.3kgs. That is from strictly eating right, following the recommended 'strict' meal plans, and exercise.
Yes I've gained 2kgs, but I am still much BETTER today, than I was last year.
I indulge in the knowledge and freedom of living life this way. I should be and I am, my ONLY toughest judge (you know this is true husband - so harsh my darling).
I am happy and I will demolish the gained unwanted kgs in no time. I SWEAR - BY THIS BLOG.
The fact that I've gained a couple of kgs over the holiday period, shows that bariatric surgery, only works, if I commit myself to the eating plan and exercise. So there, for you all KNOW IT ALL FOLKS - who keep discrediting my weightloss - with the mentality that I am not doing it myself, rather it is assisted by an operated procedure, there, I've just gone and PROVEN to you that you are very WRONG!
So my dear husband and followers, yes I have failed, (JUST A LITTLE BITTLE) but I will not focus on that, I will continue to focus on THE huge achievements that I have made so far, since DAY 1, and move forward to better days under 99kgs. I don't have far to go, but the struggle is now getting harder and harder!
The good news is, I tested out my fitness levels for walk/running distance over the weekend gone, and I assure you, I AM MARATHON/WALKATHON READY. I won't come in numer 1 or let alone be in the top 20s, but I am going to cross that finish line.
So 2015 is going to be about changing up my levels of exercise and the types of activities that I participate in, (I am going to join all the walkathons and marathons that I can fit myself into), it's going to be about throwing out all of the negative eating habits I acquired over the festive season, as well as some negative associates with negative habits that do not necessarily help with my goals, and changing my thinking from "I can only do this much' to "I CAN DO ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO".
I can no longer say that exercising 3 days a week is enough to shake off my unwanted excess weight. I am no longer 50plus kgs heavy and therefore, a new body, needs more challenges and definitely needs to stick with my clean eating plan.
Challenge yourself, there is no limit to what you can do, except for the mental boundaries in your mind!
You conquer your mind, you WIN life.
Bring on 2015 - the year that I will attempt my first EVER Walkathon. xxx
