What Was Wrong With the Jeanine Story!

It is common decorum in the media industry that ‘we don’t s#!$ on each other’ (this is not always respected) but we choose to always be mindful of its consequences.

That’s because you never know when you’re going to need each other and secondly you’re all working towards the common interests of informing the public on what is happening around them to assist people to make well informed decisions, to keep safe, build awareness on issues affecting everyday living and holding authorities to account – hence the popular metaphoric connotation likening the media as the ‘Watchdog’ of any society.

This piece therefore, must accompany a disclaiming clause – that it is written not from my professional interests as a resident journalist, writer, representative of a local Samoan broadcasting body, or fellow budding resident media member!

I have had the privilege of holding two different professions, and in my current role with the department of Community Corrections, I hold an important hat that is close to me, that being a ‘Mental Health and Suicide Awareness’ specialist, I am also a Suicide Prevention/Awareness advocate of one of the largest Pasefika community agencies in New Zealand – Le VA.

I also pen this not as the views or opinion of a representative of the Department of Corrections, or an Advocate of Le Va – but as a genuine advocate of Suicide Awareness and Mental Health, a sympathetic supporter of the LGTBQI communities, a friend and a relative to many transgenders and a concerned member of society. This is my own opinion alone.

One could simply not avoid the disturbing uproar that rocked social media yesterday for Samoans local and abroad over the Samoa Observer article highly sensationalising a fallen young transgender who died of suspected death by suicide.

UNDP guidelines around accepted reporting of suicide stories in the media are very clear. The Australian Press Council and New Zealand guidelines around the matter are also very similar. Some of the main guidelines state:

1. The methods of the incidents must not be highlighted in details
2. Consent from the deceased’s families must be sought before publishing or airing a story
3. The location of the incident should not be named
4. A coroner’s report must first prove that the death was in fact by suicide before a story may be published (NZ laws have changed in this respect just last week and the media no longer have to wait for that report if the evidence is palpable)
5. Sources giving opinions on the deceased must be immediate family alone with their consent
6. The suicidal jargon must be sensitively selected
7. Sensationalism in any way or form is strongly advised against
8. The story should in some way support public interest – for example a report on decline of rates, or it involved bullying (to create awareness)...
9. There should be information for the public to know where to seek help and support around counselling etc

Unfortunately for the family of Jeanine who is a transgender, the article published by the Samoa Observer – in my opinion, did not follow those guidelines. It also failed to acknowledge her rightful human right to choose to be called Jeanine and to be referred to as a woman by referring to her as a man throughout the article. Furthermore, it went on to publish a lifeless photo of Jeanine on its front page.

Then to add salt to the wound, the Samoa Observer then posted a ‘Think A minute’ opinion piece without a writer’s by-line, talking about homosexuality as a choice rather than a biological hormonal change, raking up researched evidence to support its views and then referencing biblical beliefs to solidify that it is a wrong and sinful choice.

Then as if this doesn’t get any worse, the New Zealand Herald published a story stating that the Samoa Editor in Chief of the Samoa Observer (a former boss and a journalist who’s work and contribution to media development in the Pacific I respect – If I may add) was quoted apologising to their readers for their call to publish the photo – but he then minimises and justifies the poor call of judgement using yet again religious and political views.

An apology is not genuine if one must need to justify it.

It would have been a much more admirable and gracious move to admit defeat, take responsibility for the lapse of judgement, retract all the published papers from all their outlets – cut their losses and move on to other stories.

Well, what do I know – I have never been the Editor in Chief of a daily paper.

I am however a Suicide Prevention/Awareness advocate and specialist, and I know too well the complications, impact, suffering, and detrimental effects that that story will have on Jeanine’s family, her friends and loved ones, society overall, young people, and the media’s integrity in general. I know the well calculated, analysed and researched evidence of the effects that such a story will have on our rainbow or LGBTQI (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual,Transgender,Queer and Intersex)communities, who statistics and research have highlighted to be the most ‘at risk’ members of society when it comes to suicide - worldwide.

This is not surprising given the challenges that our rainbow sisters and brothers have to face on a daily basis around their choices of identities and sexualities. The judgement of religious and cultural expectations from society and in some cases their own aiga of their choices going against the ‘expected’ norms, can be overwhelmingly difficult, depressing, frustrating, scary, ugly, violent and can lead to despair, loss of hope, loss of trust, isolation, and unfortunately for some, suicide becomes a choice they opt to take to end their suffering because as reports of survivors - I’ve come across often commonly state, they felt ‘there was no other way out’.

Media reporting on suicide have been strongly linked to research that supports spikes in suicide deaths and suicide ideation amongst youth and rainbow communities. Copy cat suicide methods have been researched as one of the most common products of irresponsible and poorly constructed media reports.

Pacific and Maori young people between the ages of 17 – 24 are the highest numbers of death by suicide statistics in New Zealand alone. New Zealand itself is right up the top of the ladder with its suicide deaths per annum in comparison to other countries of the Pacific, with deaths by suicide being higher than the car accident tolls yearly.

Samoa is no different.

But what is more concerning for Samoa is that it is such a small country geographically, that the power of the media and social media is even more stronger and felt in more force as compared to bigger countries. Whatever mainstream media puts out – becomes viral almost instantly.

Which brings me to ask - what are the responsibilities of mainstream media to its public, aside from the obvious?

I read on Face Book statuses of mothers asking their friends and families to refrain from reposting the pictures for fear of their children who are on facebook being exposed to the story and the horrifying sad picture used.

I read another mother stating that her five year old daughter asked her about the picture and she did not know how to respond without having to lie to her child to prevent violating her innocence.

I read statuses from some members of the local rainbow communities expressing expected anger and threatening to use violence against the paper. A response I do not support nor condone, but is naturally expected of human nature. (This is not the solution if you are fa’afafine and reading this my friends).

I read a whole lot of anger, frustration, sadness, disgust, confusion and violence.

I read a community mourning the loss of a beautiful soul, whose memory and story and family have been violated by a simple act of inconsideration.

A soul and her family who did not have the choice to give consent for her lifeless picture to be published on the front page of the country’s most widely circulated paper.

A soul who’s choices, struggles, relationship problems were published for all to read without her consent to the violation of her privacy.

No. Those choices were wrongfully taken away from Jeanine and her family.

I read a community in anger. I read conflicting views and opinions.

I read a watch dog telling their audience that it was religiously wrong to be a homosexual. Disrespecting and unravelling (whether intentionally or not) decades of advocacy work of human rights activists worldwide, who have worked so hard and some even died- to create awareness on homosexuality and rainbow issues to have their rights and voices heard and respected.

I read confusion. I read distrust. I read unrest. I read highly possible spikes of suicide ideation. I read fear.

A responsible watch dog must take into account the public’s interests as paramount.

That is, ALL members of the public, straight or rainbow, religious or not.

Accountability and solutions:

The media is so powerful in that the message it portrays can change and influence people’s perceptions, beliefs, knowledge, choices and decisions. That is why it is paramount that the media is held accountable for the messages and the information it puts out.
To date I believe the only governing media body in Samoa – the Journalists Association of (Western) Samoa JAWS is an old dog with a very soft bark. It is hardly active.

Aside from the Government, there is no Media body that the mainstream media in Samoa is being made accountable to.

Who monitors the calls, decisions, reports and actions of the media in Samoa? Who decides whether a member of the public has been wronged by the media aside from having to go through a Court case for defamation claims which often some do not have the financial resources to explore?

The Office of the Ombudsman may be an option however, JAWS and the Government of Samoa if anything good must come out of this must formulate a Governing Media Council where experienced and senior journalists preside to regulate and set up policies and guidelines to monitor the work of mainstream media in Samoa and hold their ethics and standards of practise to account.

It is not a gag on Freedom of Expression. Far from it.

If the media so freely and frequently accuses the government of having no one to be accountable to – then it must also look within and amongst its own practises and ask the same questions of itself.

Freedom of Expression does not mean – reporting stories as it pleases and then justifying apologies to suit their own agendas. The media must be held accountable for its responsibilities to the best interests of its audience and society.
If anything good must come out of this sad unfortunate incident – it should be the establishment of a body to regulate, guide, monitor and hold the media to account.

Every other politically stable and democratic country in the world has one – and Samoa is one of those countries and it’s a feature of our nation that makes us proud people.

Australia has the Australian Press Council and various other bodies. New Zealand has the Broadcasting Commission, and active Kiwi Journalists Association bodies and Press councils etc. To name a few.

Let Jeanine’s memory rest – and may our media bodies learn from this story and move forward to exude better journalism practices.

If you need support please contact Fa’ataua Le Ola lifeline if you’re in Samoa.

In NZ we have 0800 LIFELINE, LE VA, Mental Health, and various other agencies in the community you can access to seek support and help.

And remember – always choose LIFE.

She finally found Me.

It's been awhile since I last posted.

A lot has happened then.
Life happens.
The wheel keeps turning.
The grind keeps grinding.
Birds keep singing in the mornings, while humans go about their business of daily life. Rising at 5am to prepare for work, get the children ready for school, go for your morning run, walk the dog, prepare and pack lunches. Iron out uniforms and work attire. Make an attempt to clean the house before you leave for the day (so you're not coming back to a hell hole).
Try to catch the 6am morning news. The list goes on.

Life goes on.
She doesn't wait for anybody.
Least of all me.

February is always a sensitive and hectic month for me.

My father's passing anniversary.
I'm an only child. I was his little girl. He was my world. My first real love. The only man who would only ever love me truly, completely and entirely in all my flaws, my imperfections and without conditions.

Nowadays, people write up terms and conditions and even contracts (invisible or otherwise) for each other in their relationships. Because we are all too afraid to fall. To let loose and let love take over. We have expectations in what we want in a potential partner. But we fail to look at what we could bring to the table for them in return.

The world can quickly become a 'self centered' place if we are not careful with our perceptions, outlook on life and expectations.

So I miss my father terribly when I'm reflecting on my relationships and life. He didn't have any conditions. Just my best interests at heart really.

Then there are three birthdays in our household including mine. For me, it is always depressing when you are faced with the realization that you are not getting any younger and the clock is ticking by fast. I dare say I'm too ambitious and too impatient for my own good.

You start looking at your personal and professional goals and you start analysing where you are in life. And the reflection of unachieved goals can be tough on the soul.

This is always a rough ride on the journey. I have to remind myself to put on my seat belt and even a life jacket sometimes. The ride gets really rough and hard at this point.

You start comparing yourself to others. To your friends and family members.
They have multiple mortgages. Completed degrees. Travelled the world. Sons with professional rugby contracts. Moved up the corporate world. Have become bosses in their work places and organizations. Successful children. Wonderful marriages. New hot looking partners. Successfully divorced. Or if you're like one of my many single mates - you would be sulking that the clock is ticking and you still haven't found the ONE!

Whilst here you are thinking....I haven't really done much this past year. .....or things haven't really changed much in my relationships, at work, business or on the home front.

Yes. I always need a life jacket at this part of the journey! It gets pretty turbulent and rough. It's a good thing this is all happening on land and air, or otherwise I would be dead by now - seeing as I'm not much of a swimmer nor a fan of bottomless water.

Valentines Day. Hmmmm V Day!
People that know me, and those whom I am brave enough to let in to my inner layers of personal space, would know that I AM a hopeless romantic!

I love everything there is to love about love.

It is THE most intriguing, most magical feeling in the world. When two people find themselves mesmerized in each other, no one else and nothing else in the world matters nor exist, but their spellbinding existence - that is love. It is poetically beautiful and real and rare. However, this year I no longer felt the urge to celebrate V Day.

Quite frankly I now find it to be just another money making day for the big commercial giants. More over....why is there so much emphasis on couples make each other the center of their worlds on this single day out of 365 days of the year? We should be the Centre of our partners' world 365 days.

They should buy us flowers every other day. (Okay realistically once a week)

Open car doors every time you get in or out. (Not all the time...but now and then would be nice)

Pull out your chair at public dinners or events.

Offer to cook dinner for you.
Help out around the house without needing to be told or asked.

Calling each other every day for no apparent reason other than to hear theirs or your voice on the other side of the line.

Making exciting plans with you to visit exotic places, just because you can.

Sharing all of your disappointments with each other because you genuinely want to be there for them - instead of filtering what you can tolerate.

Sending each other little notes, texts or messages every now and then just to show that you're on their mind...either morning or night.

Buy clothes or shoes or little personal items for each other because you get immense pleasure and excitement at seeing your partner or spouse wearing something you personally and carefully selected.

The list goes on.

See. I'm a hopeless romantic.

But this year.... I just wasn't feeling it.
Packed up my work and spent the day at the office instead. My husband of fifteen years slept the day away. Peacefully too.

I guess celebrating a day that only comes around once a year when we are faced with trials 364 other days just didn't seem appealing anymore. Or maybe I'm just getting old.

Which brings me to another special February stop on the journey.

My transformation anniversary.

Two years this February since surgeons looked at me and decided - she's lost over 25 kilograms on her own, we can safely operate on her now. They cut off 90% of my stomach (gut) and from there my food portions were reduced significantly and my appetites were gone. About 18 months later. The stomach has expanded again (grown back) and the appetites are back to normal, as well as my ability to tolerate solid heavier foods. All is back to normal.

Except I'm not.

I am no longer that woman they operated on two years ago.

Looking back to it now. She was somewhat naive and very soft.
She tolerated a lot that no other woman should. She gleefully accepted all of her circumstances and decided that she would work things out. That life would get better. She wholeheartedly believed that people could change for the ones they care for.

She didn't look after herself well. Both physically and mentally. Always working. Always looking out for someone. Cleaning up after someone. Doing favors for someone. Eating junk too much and drowning all her worries and disappointments in alcohol. Or simply in a bowl of food and in front of a couch. Exercise was not a thing she wanted to do then.

She had long stopped caring for her own physical appearance. It no longer mattered what she looked like...for most of the time. She didn't want to be seen anyway.

She was always too quick to forgive the inadequacies of others. Always too quick to overlook their flaws and imperfections.  Tolerating that they had no wish to impart anything of themselves to her, except to take what she could give them. Always riding on the wave of 'What if' and 'They'll come around'. Always foolishly believing that one day they would see her sacrifices and her pain and they would feel remorse and they would want to improve the quality of their relationship with her.

That woman is no more.
She's long gone now.

In her place is someone I am slowly getting to know all from scratch.

She looks after herself really well now.
She meditates. Eats clean mostly seven days a week. Has come from ground zero to seven or even eight (on some days) on a fitness spectrum of 1 - 10. She trains six days a week and runs six to seven days in the mornings. She is restless without exercise. She is restless if she's not moving around and doing something physically productive with her time.

She has shed well over 65kgs now. She's shrunk by about six dress sizes and has even appeared to have grown by a few inches in height.

She knows however that the physical transformation, although very appealing to the human eye, is NOTHING compared to her mental and spiritual transformation.

The one that nobody ever sees.
Unless she let's them see it.

She is stronger in every way as opposed to the woman in pre-op. She no longer tolerates feigned affection and false pretenses. She no longer tolerates people disregarding and undermining her feelings, opinion or role in a situation or relationship.

She no longer has the patience to wait for people to make up their minds. Change their behaviors. Follow through on their empty promises or decide whether she should come first or second on their list of priorities.

Life is too damn short to be living it in waiting. Waiting for people to choose her. She chooses herself now.
It makes her content. It gives her peace. It gives her solace to finally find true happiness in herself.

She no longer tolerates forced relationships and fake friendships and even more fake relatives.

She simply walks away from what no longer serves her best interests and closes the door on what brings more grief than stimulation and positive growth.

She likes to be alone in a romantic sense. Whilst still keeping her loved ones and family close. She likes to try all new things and everything.

She is fierce and brave and adventurous in spirit and mind.

She opens herself more to criticism now and sees the value in personal growth and development that comes with reflecting on others' perceptions of her.
She understands however that she needs to be realistic with her expectations of others. And that their limitations, their decisions and how they respond to her - is a reflection of themselves and has nothing to do with her. In that sense she is more tolerant of the outside forces but will not let it affect her inner peace or define who she is as a person.

She enjoys meaningful, stimulating conversations and challenging the norm, her views and that of others.

She thrives to empower women and inspire other women to fight for their place in society and equal respect from men.

She respects a man who respects her as an equal and values her professional and personal opinion. She feels that these men have no insecurities about themselves or women, they simply do not prejudice a woman based on her gender.

She enjoys sports now. 
She enjoys the process of cooking. Of going to the store and carefully selecting ingredients for her chosen menu. She cooks with music on and a glass of wine in tote. She dances in the kitchen by herself and sings in the car when driving.

She no longer uses an extension seat belt on the plane. No longer needs to go for seconds or fourths at the buffèt. No longer embarrassed to wear bikinis at the beach. No longer chooses to sit in a strong sturdy chair at people's homes or restaurants incase she falls over.

She no longer wears her version of turbans to cover masses of body fat.

She embraces her new body. In all of its flab (from weight loss), stretch marks and cellulite. She embraces it all and loves herself still.

She likes to shoot things with real guns. Because it brings a strong feeling of accomplishment and release at the same time.

She loves to buy clothes and shoes and pretty things not only for herself but for the people she loves. Especially her children.

She is more liberal than ever with her children and more understanding and tolerant of their choices and decisions.

She certainly has more time for her now.
She is hardly angry anymore.

She will argue her point. She will speak her mind. She is direct. She is painfully honest and blunt. She bravely let's in new people to her circle (selectively) and she will give her opinion on something directly and without restrictions. But she is not and WILL NOT be angry.

She wants change. Her priorities have changed. Her desires and goals in life have changed drastically.
She is ambitious and she has set standards and goals for herself and her children. She knows there is nothing wrong with having those to guide you on the journey.

She gets sad. She gets down. Depression still comes and goes. But she doesn't indulge nor dwell on self pity and blaming the world for her problem. No. She would rather seize opportunities and run with it and explore where it takes her. If it fails, it's not meant to be. If it's worth fighting for - then by all means she'll fight for it.

She is brave than her.
She is stronger than her.

She is not going to settle in grey areas. She not going to settle for greys to decide, to make their minds, to leave, to change, to sweep her off her feet. No. She will not tolerate the greys, the unknowns.

She is who she is not because of the weights she lifts everyday. But she's who she is because she decided to still her mind from all the outside forces and let it focus on her and what's best for her instead.

Because her is pretty amazing and she deserves more. She deserves the magic.

On that day, prior to putting on the hospital gown and getting onto the narrow hospital bed to go under the surgeon's knife. She had no idea that she would transform into a whole new person. Not just physically but more so spiritually and mentally.

Everything else has changed. But she feels she is finally who she is meant to be.

She has finally found Me!