What Real Success Isn't!

On Monday evening, I arrived home from work to find my ten year old daughter, slouched on the couch, her head turned towards the seat so that I could not make out her expression. I instantly knew something was wrong because this child of mine, does not express herself inwardly. She’s more of an overdose of extroverts.

Little sniffing sounds came from somewhere between the cushions.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I don’t like my teacher anymore, and I hate that school,” she was crying and she was loud now.

“I don’t want to go back to that school anymore mommy and I don’t want to go to school this week,” she cried even louder.

“Frederick (younger brother), got an invitation for you guys to attend the award ceremony and I didn’t get anything,” our neighbours can hear every word now. “I worked so hard mom,” she was sobbing uncontrollably and my heart was immediately crushed to a thousand pieces.

I rushed to her and took her in my arms.

I took a deep breath and got ready for what I consider to be one of the most crucial tests of my parenting life and my full time job of mother/counsellor/advisor/ friend/role model.

She was looking to me for comfort.
She was looking for reassurance.
She wanted an answer that would make her feel good about the negative feelings she was experiencing at that specific moment.
She wanted to vent and hate the world.
It all sounded far too familiar.

As I held her, a window opened and flashes of scenarios swiped past my eyes.
What I say to my daughter at that moment in time, would determine the type of woman she would become in the future and how she would view and feel about herself.

You see, we live in a world of assessed classifications.

A woman’s beauty is assessed not by her personality and positive traits and inner strengths, but instead often by her weight and skin, or nowadays even by how large her bust and rack comes across. Never mind, whether she is someone who is unafraid to speak her mind and speak the truth. Never mind if she is someone who is kind, sincere, works hard, honest, fun, full of life, has a remarkable sense of humour and positive attitude.

Intelligence is measured by academic achievements and not of wisdom to know right from wrong, discipline, perseverance, diligence, hard work, effort and sacrifice and ability to rise from failure and try again.

Success is considered by how much is in your bank account, how big your house is, how many public organisations you’re a part of, how many cars you got parked in your massive garage, or how large your network database is, and how many ‘perceived’ powerful and successful friends you have.
Society today does not usually look at success instead, as someone overcoming challenges in life.

A single parent raising children on her own with whatever she has, however little balance in their bank account.
An alcoholic or drug addict overcoming their addictions and living in abstinence.
An autistic child being able to tell one different task from another.
A survivor of horrific sexual abuse.
A woman who managed to free herself from an abusive relationship.
A person with disabilities living a normal life.
Parents working full time jobs around their children’s lives and needs.
Teenage mothers overcoming stigma and everyone’s expectations of her to fail in life, getting an education, a respectable career and making an honest good life for herself.

No. We live in a world that values and glorifies materialism and power, as opposed to good, honest hard earned living.

So I turn my daughter’s head to me and reminded her of all the positive qualities that she possesses. And I am not exaggerating when I write it out here for her.
‘You are one of the most hardworking 10 year olds that I’ve ever come across. She does all of her home works every week. Everything all completed’.
‘You are always prepared for school or for any projects and drives me to the wall with your sometimes over persistent nagging when you want something school related done’.
‘You completed your Masters Degree in Reading, starting from the Certificate Level’. Out of over 60 students who participated, only 15 students received their Master and PHDs and she was one of them. (She started to smile at the memory of that sweet victory).

As I read out all of the different areas she had excelled and achieved in throughout the year, she stopped her sobbing and started thinking. I also made sure that she knew that I and her father and her family thought that because of her kindness, her perseverance, her diligence and hard working nature, we her family, all thought that she was beautiful, intelligent, smart and she was definitely going places.

And she is, just because she did not get an award this year, doesn’t mean that she didn’t work hard, or that she wasn’t smart, or that she didn’t do her best.

On the contrary, she gave it her all. She gave it her best. She was an admirable rival in the race.

But like one Samoan saying goes; “E le mua uma ni va’a”.

This is referring to the longboat races, and the elderly would say at the end of the race, (which is a much anticipated event and raises a lot of excitement amongst the locals) ‘there can only be one winner’.

Yes – there can only be one winner, but the winner has something far more important in common with his/her adversaries.
They all worked hard.
They all fought to be number one.
They fought a good fight.
They rowed day and night practising and increasing their strengths.

Some may have slacked in their diet and were not completely fit.
Some may have been distracted by other things. Others perhaps did not have enough resources and or support to assist them with their trainings, skills development and strategizing. All these different components and more determine which boat will edge out a little ahead of the others. But that doesn’t mean that those left behind are any less capable of becoming number one.

But, sure enough, come the following year, the same teams would be back for another race.

I learned a very important lesson from this part of my journey with my daughter Sa.

As a mother, and a woman, I have had to overcome a lot of challenges (that I do not write about often – aside from my weight troubles) to be where I am today in life.

Sa’s disappointment, has clearly made me review my journey all over again and it has reminded me that in life, I have fallen a lot, but it made me develop resilience, strength, courage and bravery. WE all do.

I may not have a large fancy bank account. I may not own a large fancy house, or have three cars, or own a business, nor do I care to try and be noticed by social climbers for an increased status in society but I am independent and happily satisfied and content with where I am in life.

I have come a long way from teenage pregnancy and stigma where I had sometimes thought of ending my life (from shame and embarrassment). I still completed school and went onto to University preparatory year, where other ‘normal’ girls and boys my age at the time had failed. When all I wanted was to bury myself in bed and never show the world my face ever again. I still went to town and church and socialised with other people. I didn’t give in to urges of selfharm, or drowned myself in alcohol or drugs as I've seen happen too often with others (it's not an easy path to go down afterall), instead I took responsibility for my actions and in return discovered one of 5 of the most beautiful and precious gifts that God has ever blessed me with.

I may have had my fair share of club hopping and fish drinking and pulling all nighters and doing all sorts of crazy things like crashing one of your best friend's parent's car, but it has made me appreciate quiet nights at home now, reading a good book on the weekends, know the difference between good and cheap wine, and to wear flats when I go dancing now, which is rarely. I don't miss it one bit.

I may have had a couple of failed relationships and kissed a few frogs but when it came time to pick a knight, I picked one of the few good ones that women talk about over drinks and say things like, 'why are all the good ones taken?' Yes, he's a keeper. He may not be the richest man in the world, and doesn't like to dress fancy all the time, and drives an SUV but he is faithful, generous, kind, thoughtful of my needs, hard worker, provider for my children and I, respects my space and lets me do whatever the hell I want to do,and supports me in ALL I pursue and did I say faithful? And let's not forget damn good looking too, (the man never fails to get stares from the palagi ladies everywhere we go). Yes, his days of drinking like a fish and clubbing are well over. He's only content to just hang around home with me and the children. You wouldn't find him anywhere else but next to me!

I may not have been school dux or assessed as one of the academics of my time in school, but I damn well passed every examination and every stage of my education, went to university and I am still studying, whilst working in a highly demanding job (full time), raising five children with my husband who works the night shift so we can be present in our children’s lives.

My father may not have been rich in material things but he was with me every single day of my life as a child. He was a present parent. He was there night and day to wipe the tears from my small eyes. To rub a cut on a knee, or put band aid on an open wound. He was there to walk me to school every morning and to church almost every Sunday (that decreased in frequency as I got older). He was there to smack me when I misbehaved. He was there to name my pet pig Sadam after the Iraq president Sadam. He made sure I did not starve a single day, or go without clothes. He made sure all my school fees were paid on time and I had my stationary. He was present. He was no fancy business man and he was not accorded what was and is rightfully owed to him as per his father’s wishes, but he looked beyond that and instead earned only from the sweat of his own back to support his family.

My mother may not have married rich, but she is the BEST mother in the whole wide world. She is, kind, loving, gentle, warm, funny, and she is humility in tangible form. She taught me to love, respect and care for people without social status tags on them. She taught me to forgive people’s inadequacies continuously. She taught me that in forgiving I would find peace. She taught me that life is nothing without God, humility and faith. She really makes me soft, grounded and human.
No this is not about making a point of what I’ve achieved.

On the contrary, it’s more about what I’ve not achieved and don’t have in life – YET it hasn’t in anyway robbed me of what’s important in my journey. I may not have any of those things, but I have far greater riches which I can pass onto my children.

Valuing hard work and being honest to myself.

Teaching my children that success is not about making money and getting rich and keeping up with the Smith’s.

Instead I teach them that there are far greater riches than the dollar sign. Richness in values, strength and confidence in one’s self and skin. I show them by living and breathing it every day, what hard work, honesty, integrity, perseverance and never ever giving up looks like. And that, above all things, they must put more trust in faith and God. We can only assure a society without violence and less social issues by raising children to become adults rich of these traits.

I also realised that all of the hard yards have quietly slipped into my thinking and turned me into a parent who sometimes has unrealistic expectations of their children. Because of my teenage life cut short (of my own poor judgement), I then expected my children to supersede all of my hopes, dreams and aspirations that I had had for myself. All the things that I didn’t get to do, I wanted them to achieve it all and succeed in all. But this I learned, many a times and in many moons ago, to be extremely unfair for the children.

Every child is unique and each have their own strengths, weaknesses, desires and dreams. Not every child will make the prize list, but that doesn’t mean they’re not going to be successful in life.

So if your child did not or is not getting a prize this year (like my other three children), don’t worry too much over it. Don’t let the hype on social media dishearten you.
Instead, console yourself in the knowledge that they have worked hard, and all hard work will be rewarded one way or another. You just have to accept the process that leads you to it.

Real success, is about how you bounce back from a fall.

Alcohol Driving Pains

I am thankful that I have never lost a close relative or any loved ones in a car crash, let alone a car crash with alcohol as a contributing factor. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like for a mother, or a father, a wife or a husband, or siblings, to wait for their loved ones to return from their travelling destinations, only to get Police officers knocking on their door with news that would turn their worlds upside down for the rest of their lives.

I am, however, not totally immune to alcohol driving related tragedies altogether.

A few years ago, in Samoa, my mother in-law and sister in-law and niece, were driving out to the airport to bring home visiting relatives. It was a well anticipated family gathering. A reunion with overseas based relatives whom you’ve been distanced from for years is a festive occasion, always filled with excitement and joy of coming together again, to share stories of what you’ve missed in each others’ lives, and reminisce on memories of the past.

Sadly for my in-laws, it was not to be the case.

A drunk driver went straight for their car, (at highly accelerated speed levels) at a sharp bend. He was unable to control the vehicle motions under excessive speed and drunkenness.

My mother in-law was in her mid seventies at the time. She suffered severe injuries to her hip and legs. She could not walk for months and because of her age, her pain tolerance levels were low. She needed a cast and a few weeks of hospitalisation. To this day, she still suffers from stabbing pains in her hip and legs and the only thing her aged body can take for treatment is a list of prescribed pain killers and some good old fofo – Samoan massage.

My niece suffered knee and back injuries.

My sister in-law suffered severe jaw injuries and some scars.

The other driver? No injuries – at all. (Lucky for him).

They scraped past death on the ‘skin of their teeth’, on that fatal night.

Perhaps it was my mother in-law’s constant prayers, or my sister in-law’s alert state of mind (from being sober and she was well rested for the drive), or the hand of God himself, that had helped save their lives. I don’t know and I can’t say. But what is clear here is that had that driver been sober, he would have been able to control his vehicle, and most probably would have been more conscious that he was driving at high speed.

I shudder just to imagine what would have happened to us as a family, had they been taken away from us so suddenly, as a result of that night’s horrific events.

My husband would have had a major breakdown for sure.

She is the only other woman who reigns high in his heart. The only other person in his life, whom he can confide his innermost private thoughts and worries. And he knows without a doubt in his mind that she prays for him and his wife and children every single day. The one whom we look to for guidance when we are lost, or when life is too fast, she grounds us and brings life back into perspective, especially where our children are concerned. He would have lost his sister and niece that he holds so dear to him.

Thankfully we didn’t have to live that day.
But unfortunately for other families that we read about or watch on our evening news, they weren’t/aren’t so lucky.

The New Zealand Transport Agency holds statistics that show the number of deaths from road accidents have increased from 215 in 2013; to 245 deaths already recorded as of 28 November 2014 and we are not even through the Christmas rush yet.

Having to constantly familiarise myself with these statistics for work purposes, to be quite frank has made me a paranoid driver at times.

I get particularly paranoid to drive during the weekends, nights and especially during the holidays now. We had to cancel a road trip on Labour Weekend this year, partly because I was literally afraid that our poor old family bus, (Toyota 8 seater) may not hold well against a hard hit crash on the motorway and we would be demolished to crushed metal. I began to methodically explore various scenarios.

1.I might suffer the most if we crashed because I’m in the passenger seat out front, and with my long long legs – they would be crushed (wincing at the thought) bones splintering from my knees, cutting through my skin, and blood splashed everywhere. If I survive they would get amputated and dear me, I don’t think I can handle living in a wheel chair for the rest of my life. Fabricated legs (I don’t mean to sound selfish and inconsiderate) but really, they’re not the most comfortable thing in the world, and I do like to wear knee length dresses a lot. Which let’s face won’t be the most desirable look of the year, really.
2.I might die, my husband and children would survive and he’ll most probably have himself another wife (despite his ongoing admissions to never EVER wanting to marry again should I be the first one to die), who will enjoy having my children as her servants.
3.My husband might die and leave me alone with five children and we would suffer financially – tremendously, because; a) with my salary we won’t qualify for any Housing (because we won’t afford to keep our home anymore) or benefits even as a solo mother, b) I don’t trust insurance companies (like ever, despite having three or more policies that I can attest to) and we may never get his life insurance pay out.
4.We all die, our bodies scattered all over the motorway and they may never find my beautiful head with my beautiful face (too sure – yes, well I’m about to die in these thoughts, so a girl is allowed to have some vain thoughts please) and no one but my poor mother would be there to bury us. (Which reminds me, I need to find mom some secure legal guardians, should something happen to me – because I’m her only child).
5.The worse one – that haunts me night and day, is that we survive and one of our children should be lost to such an accident – I would rather die a thousand deaths than to endure the unimaginable pain of the death of any of my children. I’ve survived a lot of horrifying battles in my life – but that – I know, I will never be able to survive – so I constantly thank God, each day, for the things that I sometimes take for granted – like all of us, getting home safe and sound from work and school each day.

So what can you and I do as members of society to help reduce road fatalities resulting in deaths from alcohol related driving and keep paranoid woman drivers like me sane?

Hence with the alcohol driving limit dropping from 400mcg levels of alcohol breath to 250mcg as of tomorrow 1 December 2014, I felt compelled to write a gentle reminder, to caution all drivers – do not take chances and risks with your life and that of others. It is far too precious and life is far too short to gamble away with poor attitudes towards alcohol driving, which is a calculated risk and can be easily avoided.

Lower alcohol limit for adult drivers 20 years and over
From Monday 1 December 2014, the alcohol limit for drivers aged 20 years and over will be lowered.

This change means that drivers aged 20 years and over must not drive if:
•the amount of alcohol in their breath is more than 250 micrograms of alcohol per litre of breath.
•the amount of alcohol in their blood is more than 50 milligrams of alcohol per 100 millilitres of blood

For drivers under the age of 20 years, the limit remains at zero.

Drivers who are over 400 micrograms of alcohol per litre of breath, or 80mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood, will continue to face criminal sanctions as is currently the case.

Drivers who fail an evidential breath test between 251 and 400 micrograms of alcohol per litre of breath will receive an infringement notice with a $200 infringement fee and 50 demerit points. Drivers in this range will not be able to elect an evidential blood test.
Drivers who accumulate 100 or more demerit points from driving offences within two years will receive a three month driver licence suspension. An infringement offence will not result in the driver receiving a criminal conviction. (Taken from the NZ Transport Agency Website).

I can hear a voice, saying “speak English to me”.

Okay so basically if:

•You’re 20 years old and over the new alcohol driving breath limit for you drops from 400mcg of alcohol per litre of breath to 250mcg.
•You’re below 20 years old – there’s no driving for you if you’ve had an alcoholic beverage buddy.
•If you’re in the 20 years old and above category and you’re caught with a breath alcohol level of over 250mcg but not more than 400mcg – you get an infringement notice, a $200 infringement fee and 50 demerit points off your Driver’s License. This will not result in receiving a Criminal Conviction.
•Driver’s who get reading levels over 400mcg will continue to face criminal sanctions – as per current system.
•If you accumulate 100 or more demerit points within two years, you will get a three month driver licence suspension.

Tips to prevent getting yourself through any of these avoidable situations and assist with saving lives:

•Many of us know that it only takes about three to five 8% alcoholic drinks to go over the 400mcg limit – so do the math, depending on various factors, which include sleep deprivation and food intake, it may only take one or two bottles of 8% might just get you over 250mcg. There’s no solid way to measure these things – so the best thing to do; is to just stay well clear away from the wheel when and if you are planning to have a night out with friends, or just having a couple at a bar on your way home from work, or just having a few at after work functions before heading home. Don’t risk it!
•We’ve all heard this before – and I can’t stress it enough – sort out a sober driver!
•If you’re having a night out with friends, share the cab fee and enjoy your night without having to play rocks and scissors over who’s going to drive.
•If you’re under 20 – I really shouldn’t be saying – “should you really be drinking?” (because I’ve had my share of teenage magic drinks merriness). But I can surely say – think long and hard about the possibility that you could put your young life and others into jeopardy by getting behind a wheel, and you do not want a Criminal History at a young age. Trust me – it creates so much hassle for you when your life is about to start – it affects things like finding a job (because ; a) most jobs require that you have a solid transport mode, b) most jobs prefer to employ non-criminals – simple.
•If you don’t have a valid Driver’s License – it probably means that you either; a) Do not qualify to drive on the roads because you did not pass the driving test, thereby meaning that you driving is a potential hazard for all other members of the public on the road; b) It is illegal for you to be driving and should not be driving at all; c) your vehicle may get impounded; d) you will receive a fine that you most probably can’t afford to pay and e) that your vehicle is most probably not fit to be on the road or it isn’t your car to begin with and the owner of that vehicle will be paying for your poor judgement.
•If you want to have a few, just stay home and enjoy it in the comfort of your own house, responsibly.
•If you see your friends and relatives driving under the influence, ‘Be a legend’ and stop them from driving – invite them to sleep at your place till morning, arrange a sober driver for them, put them in a cab, or sit them down and have a heart to heart. If you truly care for them, give them some tough love!

For more information on Driver’s Licenses, Alcohol Limits etc – visit the NZTA website there’s tons of helpful information there and statistics showing the rapid increase in death tolls from road crashes alone.

Remember – ‘Be a Legend’ and stop a mate/loved one from driving if they’re under the influence.

You may not see it – but you could actually be saving a lot of lives from a lot of pain and suffering.

Let's Cut The Rugby Bull$#!T

It took sometime for me to get out of the cave and blog again. Let’s just say, ‘life has been busy’ is an understatement. Career ambitions, five needy kids, marriage, relationships, projects, networks, exams, challenges, set backs, disappointments, tests of faith, teenage dramas, work, work, work and more work…with all of that happening, can you honestly say that I have the time to sit down and type away my feelings and thoughts and (unsolicited) opinions on a blog?

You got it! Thus I am truly grateful to the Samoa Rugby Union SRU and all of its mismanagement troubles for bringing me out of my writing block – more like my thinking block!

I am suppose to be in my sick bed today, so naturally I browsed through Face Book and there stumbled across an opinion piece from Mata’afa Keni Lesa of the Samoa Observer (Samoa’s only daily Newspaper) over the issue of Manu Samoa 15’s players threatening to boycott the game against England next week, due to ongoing and certainly not new, concerns of poor corrupt management and players’ income. I bolted straight out of my bed onto the recliner, threw away my temporary cheap phone and snapped open the lap top and here I am.

This is an issue which made its ugly head through the surface not long before and after the 2011 Rugby World Cup in Auckland. When then Captain Mahonri Schwalger wrote a letter to the Prime Minister of Samoa (also Chairman of the SRU) Tuilaepa Sailele Malielegaoi, outlining concerns of corruption in management, players ending up paying their own fares to some games and tournaments, players’ pay - peanuts compared to other professional rugby nations, player selection influences etc.

The response saw Schwalger dropped from the Manu Samoa squad (when he was at the top of his career with the Waikato Chiefs), continued employment of some of the management named in the concerns, no raise of allowances, threats and hints of recruiting local players only (about 80% of the team are overseas based and developed players), simply because the overseas born and based Samoan players were mainly the ones who dared to question the authorities, and not much changes at all.

Now history has repeated itself in almost the same exact way, with some senior players penning their frustrations on a letter, this time to the International Rugby Board IRB with the following concerns:

*Our coaches are not given complete reign to pick whom they deem as the country’s best players
*Our team gets announced on Social Media sites before players are notified
*There is no financial transparency within the organisation
*Funds that were suspected to be misused were followed up by a questionable audit process
*Players who ask questions are made examples of and black-listed
*Tour ‘allowances’ have been frozen at NZ $1000 since 1990. Any requests to have this reviewed have been ignored
*Players are expected to pay their own airfares back to Samoa for end of year tours
*The coaching level in between World Cups has been poor
Furthermore, this time around, the threat to boycott the game against England holds the SRU accountable for an estimated loss of $19million tala (that it doesn’t have) which England stands to lose if the game doesn’t go ahead.

This all came with much associated international media coverage, and threats to boycott the game against England next week. The world media is on full alert, as it should, world heads are turning, highly interested to see how this will play out, but in typical old fashioned Samoan response – the SRU Chairman and leader of our country – has indicated that the only heads that will be rolling – are the authors’ of that letter!

Wow, fantastic response. Let’s all clap and give the SRU a standing ovation.

This whole fiasco has been likened to an overgrown full blown wound by many sports critiques and professionals across the world. The SRU has not treated the wound accurately over the years, and has only used band aid temporary solutions. Now the shit’s hit the fan, and the leaders of World Rugby can’t stand back and do nothing, now they must intervene and fix the problems of a troubled rugby nation. Meetings have been scheduled with the players for the end of this week, to meet with IRB leaders and Rugby heads across the board. In true Western democratic civilized fashion, where the opinions and concerns of players are addressed professionally and methodically to find logical solutions for all parties involved, rather than threats.

Samoans above all, dislike outsiders telling them how to run their own country and how things should be done where Samoans are concerned. This is all admirable and we are all proud of this attribute of our people because it created a resilience that has made us the first independent nation of the South Pacific Islands.

But alas, this very same attitude has been exaggerated and manipulated by various factors to suit individuals’ agendas to the point that it has become Samoa’s number one enemy to progression in the modern world. This is how I and others, like me standing from the side lines view it. There’s no two ways about it.

The same disdain for outside intervention has led to an ugly but very real mentality and attitude of discriminating against Samoans born, raised and living overseas where opinions and mind sets clash.

A classic example in this scab of a problem is the SRU Chairman and PM of Samoa Tuilaepa drawing a line between local players and overseas born, raised and based players, questioning their loyalty to the country.

I am personally sick of hearing these discriminating remarks. We’ve all heard and read it on social media every time there’s a Manu Samoa game or an All Blacks game. Every time the AB’s play your newsfeed is filled with island based haters hating on the AB’s simply because the NZ based Samoans are fully behind their country of residence.
Let’s cut the bull shit. Samoans are discriminating against their own people and it is disgraceful and abhorrent behaviour and attitude and the culprits should all be flogged.
It is this type of behaviour and attitude that gives all of us a bad name, when we are all trying so hard, in all our own little ways to improve the image and reputation of our people and country however we can. This is the behaviour of idiotic uneducated fools and I am not proud to say that my fellow country men and women are usually privy to it.

It made me think of my own two sons. They were born in Samoa and we moved to NZ five years ago. They did not know a thing about rugby, but thanks to a kiwi education and their rugby unions, they have been moulded into fine young players. Players who will no doubt come into their full potential one day – Lord willing and provide, and they will decide to either play for NZ or for their country of birth, the land we are all so proud of and all so deeply rooted to - Samoa.

They are already thinking about this decision at the tender age of 14 and nine. (Children have clear vision of goals and dreams these days). As much as the AB’s alluring promise of stardom and greatness poses clear huge benefits financially and career wise, nationalism is a beautiful and strong force. A force that will blindly drive a man away from a lifetime opportunity to the arms of freedom and liberation in the name of loyalty, love and country. Much to their mothers’ and families’ dismay I’m sure.

The same can be said for the disgruntled players who have voiced their grievances with the IRB over the SRU mishandling in the last few days. Many of them were either born or migrated to NZ or another overseas country and have made their homes overseas. They have and are performing exceptionally well in club contracts overseas and elsewhere, thanks to the enormous contribution of their adopted countries by moulding and coaching them from primary age to the very top of the sport which has helped produce exceptional rugby players for Samoa. That process of moulding no doubt evolved through a participative and democratic healthy approach. Where questions are asked freely, opinions are heard, problems are resolved through healthy dialogue and consultation and solutions are formulated for the long run and not for certain individuals’ interests only.

Despite all that, they have chosen to represent their mother country, the land of their ancestors, not for money, but for love of country. A country that recently has shown through its leadership, that it will only value their contribution as long as they don’t ask questions. As long as they are submissive and follow only what their leaders say, and not ask questions of their leadership and authority, whether they are doing wrong or right, they (the authorities) are doing the right thing.

By being submissive to authority, they are considered as being culturally sensitive and respectful. Children must only be seen and not heard comes to mind in this picture. The Prime Minister and SRU Chairman Tuilaepa’s response to players’ grievances and letter was to brush it off as - “opinions of little kids”, “who don’t understand”. This is truly disappointing coming from someone who is considered one of the greatest leaders of the Pacific in the last decade.

Is this what all parents want for their sons in the future? I don’t. But I can rightfully predict that the SRU Chairman’s response to that and those who blindly follow him would most likely say; “then they can play for another country”.
This is not a response of a leader, it is the arrogance of someone who’s held too much power for far too long.

Players who put their bodies and careers on the line for their country, deserve respect and professional treatment and response from its leader. They deserve to be heard and addressed as any other individual and country man of Samoa. Samoa does not only belong to those living in Samoa. It belongs to anybody who is of Samoan blood and descent whether they live in Samoa or not. These players represent Samoa and have continue to put Samoan on the map everywhere they go with sportsmanship and pride – they have the right to be heard.

Moving forward, culture and religion is being abused far too often to manipulate the systems of government and authority in Samoa, and it has leaped onto sports.
So much so, that often we read and observe attitudes and behaviours to be completely confusing one and the other with normal everyday business and operation of a country.
There must be a clear line between, politics, governance and culture and religion.

Furthermore, I may stand to be corrected, but I think, that Samoa is the only rugby nation who’s country’s leader has such a strong stance and hold on it’s national rugby team. Even the Power Houses of rugby the likes of NZ, Australia, England and South Africa don’t see their country’s leaders interfering with the management of their unions and teams! No, John Key – the World’s Number One Rugby Team’s Prime Minister, has far too many more vital things to look after – like running a country for example.

It’s about time, an independent body should be elected to erect a new face of the SRU and its management systems.

But hey, that’s just my unsolicited opinion!

Best of luck to those brave men, clearing the path for all young future Manu Samoa players and the future of Samoan rugby!

A boycott is viewed as one of the best turns/game changer to Samoan rugby politics from my end of the recliner!

Not Just a Pretty Face!

Last week, (the week that just ended last night) was a highly satisfactory week. A group of friends and I entered a Quiz Competetion hosted by the Aoga Faa Samoa, on everything Samoan from culture, politics, entertainment, food, history, academic literature, general knowledge, sports, language, and more. I thoroughly enjoyed it and discovered that we were a bunch of crazy competitive in a good way lot! At times there was so much excitement at the table and a lot of heated discussions when we came to a divide at various answers but in the end we would always draw a consensus and agreed to disagree like the professionals we are - literally grinning from ear to ear right now. Anyway, long story short, we came out the Champions and are still revelling in our victory to a lesser and more civilised degree now. :-)

My younger three children put on performances at school (which I couldn't make time for from work this week due to increasing work commitments for the next two months - but I managed to get them to do a whole performance at home, filmed it and we had some peanuts for snacks and made a night of it (no homeworks). I think I was forgiven. I always make time for my children's school activities no matter how small or insignificant the event might be, so it was kind of a big deal particularly for 7year old when I didn't show. So the redemption was very welcomed.

On the Friday my big boss (during our usual Friday morning briefing) sprung a "I'm going on leave and Josephine will be acting in my absence" surprise. Correction - I was SHOCKED really - but ofcourse I was calm and collected and pretended like it was perfectly natural and common everyday fanatics for a 30ish year old female Practitioner (Brown for that matter) to taking up acting boss role for a District team. Sure - no problems boss. I had to literally stop myself from screaming 'oh dear God'. Thats not because I have no confidence in myself and my abilities. Far from it. On the contrary, I am aspiring towards management in my career progression and so the opportunities have always been there and I've tasted it before but NEVER on this scale (a District team). Add to it the fact that I'm a woman and of brown PI colour (the lesser achievers and poor socioeconomic ethnicities of NZ)- this is very rare in my field. So it was/is absolutely mind blowing and a much welcomed turn and indicator of my career progression.

I'm not writing this to gloat. Quite the opposite. I love to post pictures of my weight loss progress and just pictures of myself looking happy and healthy and feeling beautiful. Something I haven't seen nor felt for myself in a really really long time.

Unfortunately, some ill minded people with nothing better to do have somewhat used this to portray me as a vain and conceited person. These are some of the same people who were quick to point out how ridiculously obese and pathetic I was when I was 60kgs heavier than I am today.

I am beautiful. I know this much. I am caring, sensitive to others and their journeys, loving, generous, helpful to anyone who needs my help, supportive to anyone who needs my support.

I am compassionate and blind to race, ethnicities, social status when it comes to rating people. I am compassionate to the fallen and the less privileged. God fearing, fiercely protective mother of 5, loving and tolerant wife of 13 years of marriage.

I have the courage to laugh at myself, and the courage to place all vulnerability on the table and back up my beliefs, opinion and reasoning for what I choose to do with my life. I have the courage to fix my health problems and tell people all my weaknesses with health and depression through my writing. And still walk tall and proud. This and more makes me a beautiful person and not a single person can take that away from me.

I, like everyone else have flaws and weaknesses. But I fight to be a better person every single day. I fight for my children and my marriage and my faith every single day. And I sure as hell do not need to tell the world all my flaws just to make you feel better about yourself.

Yes I've lost a lot of weight and I look fantastic. Pictures don't lie. So I like to dance and post my awesome new body? So what? Hey I worked damn hard for it sweetie. I risked my life to go under the knife knowing full well death was a main risk but I had the courage to do it for my family and my health. I run every four days a week and eat a beggars portion to get to where I am honey, I can damn well post as much pictures as I want and if you have a problem with that, kindly unfriend me or better yet, go on a diet and get your lazy ass out for an exercise.

Looking fabulous on my photos is something I haven't had for a long time. It reminds me of how hard I've fought to get here and I won't ever go back. But pictures DON'T make the person. I am more than just a pretty face.

I am out there day and night keeping my communities safe. Keeping YOU safe. I am helping people from all walks of life with their addictions, addressing anger and violence, men to address their sexual offending behaviors. I help battered women and children get into safety, I help people to address their gambling and budgeting issues, I get hands on and dirty and I (with others like me) do so much more to reduce re-offending and crime! I am more than just a pretty picture. So if you judge me on that, you obviously need to widen your narrow world and view.

The 10 DON’TS in a Weight Loss Journey!

I’ve been on a weight loss journey since 2012 (but technically it goes as far back as when I was 9 years old or so). Things didn’t really happen for me until mid 2013, and then fat burning took to another whole new level, earlier this year with a gastric sleeve operation. (I blogged on the 1st of February 2014 about my decision to get under the knife and how I had to work hard to be eligible for it) On the 10th of February 2014 I had weighed 147kgs. Prior to that in 2012, I was sitting at a staggering 163.2kgs. Today I last weighed a month ago at 110kgs. I may very well be sitting at 105kgs or even less as I pen this piece ( I know because I was having to buy new pants over the weekend as my size 18, were literally falling off my waist).

How I got to be at morbid obesity? Well a lot of factors really. Working mother of 5 children, I had babies back to back and returned to the workforce three months later. I never really had time to listen to my body, to process the changes that I was going through mentally and physically with having to be a full time working mother of young children, (who needed me to nurture them) who asked for my full attention either intentionally or not. As with any marriage and relationship, I had to play my part in that too, and often a lot of areas in my life at that time suffered as a result. When you find yourself under that much pressure, having that much expectations and responsibilities, well something’s got to give. For me, depression slipped in and I was susceptible to it. My coping mechanism was food. Food was my escape. It made me feel good, comfortable, happy, satisfied, and it was a time that I had to myself. Somehow, the kids were looked after when I was eating and the more I felt the weight of my social pressures, the more I would eat, and sometimes even engaged in a drinking culture with friends and colleagues from work back in Samoa (thanks to mom’s babysitting services).

Recent immense progress in my weight loss journey has attracted a lot of messages asking me “How do you do it?” or another popular one has been “What’s your secret?”

Well, I do not have a secret. I have always been open right from the start about my weight loss journey for various reasons. Firstly, that I didn’t want to be someone who misled people into thinking that I lost all the weight on my own, but also secondly, I had hoped to break down some of the barriers and stigma that people who have had ‘gastric sleeve’ operations often face – when society assume that these people (like me) had no part to play in their weight loss, that the fat just all magically melted away and there was/is no struggle whatsoever, that when people come out of these operations, all of their problems just miraculously disappear!

Those stigmas are very untrue.

If you could only live a day in our shoes, a lot of people would not even contemplate the idea of cutting off well over 90% of their stomach (the organ that holds and processes your food). The mental distress associated with the realities that you can no longer eat the same again – EVER – is quite overwhelming, and it took some time for me to adjust physically and mentally. The first five to six weeks were particularly extremely hard. Vomiting food because you still tried to squeeze in a bit more, as your mind and eyes, refuse to believe that you could be full with just four tablespoons of yoghurt or just half a sausage. So you start to teach yourself – they call it the LEARNER’s stage of post op. You literally have to get to know your ‘new’ stomach. You learn what foods no longer work for you (mine excluded all my island favourites, taro, bread, raw fish, roast pig, steaks, lamb, (all red meat really) green bananas and for the first three weeks most fruits). Suddenly I had a ‘palagi’ stomach. I do not mean that in any discriminative way, it just means, that I suddenly could no longer tolerate the food that I had grown up with, and I was tolerating a more protein soft foods/liquids diet instead. Drinking is another major factor post op. There is no more gulping – EVER! The trick instead is to sip throughout the day, and you’re expected to sip 2 litres of water – that is an enormous amount of annoying sips.

I quickly learned to accept my new limitations, reminded myself of why I made the decision to go under the knife in the first place, experiment with new foods and quickly put all my new found energy (converted stored fat) into fantastic physical challenges – otherwise painfully termed ‘Exercise’. The fear of going saggy and flabby really drives me to tone my body by ensuring persistent well structured exercise.

It’s been eight months now since I had my operation, the weight loss has slowed down significantly, and I may reach a plateau if I do not maintain constant exercise and healthy eating choices. My stomach may even grow back, if I do not stick to the required portions and eating healthy. I have seen people gain all the weight back, despite having had the gastric sleeve. So maintenance of the positive new learned habits that you gained during your LEARNER’S STAGE is instrumental in maintaining effective results and moving towards your safe zone or recommended weight.

At first I did not want to write a guide/advisory piece on weight loss, because I am still on that journey and will only be safe when I reach my desired recommended goal. (I want to be at 70kgs, but my doctor reckons that would be unhealthy for my height – so 80kgs it is).

Also, I didn’t want to pen any advise as that would somewhat indicate the misleading notion that I am an expert at weight loss – I am far from it. Furthermore, I know (because I have been through it before) that often no matter what I say, write or do – it won’t help you UNLESS you really want to help yourself.

But because of the constant messages, I’ve been receiving, I have been convinced that I have had a very unique experience that I can share, which may or may not help someone. It could motivate people in the same situation, it may inspire others to start their own weight loss, or it could just help answer a lot of the questions that I have not responded to yet.

10. DON’T BE DISHONEST

So what I’ve noticed with a lot of people, and this is very common, is that people just LIE about their weight. They either under report it or over report it when they’ve lost some. An example, when I was going through morbid obesity, I always asked people about their weight, (so I could feel good about myself, by having a sense of entitlement – that I’m not so bad because there are a lot like me out there), well that was never helpful for me, because folks would always give me some figure that was always 80kgs less than my weight at that time. As I went through fat loss, I could literally compare my weight to others simply by looking at them and I’m thinking, hmmm I’m way smaller than them now, but the weight that I am now (or at that stage) is a lot more than what they told me they were at when I asked. Hmmmmm.

If you want to lose weight – be honest with yourself and be accountable to others. I have never once been judged when I opened up to somebody about my weight. Instead, I always received support and encouragement and people close to me would be more demanding but it was always clear that it came from a place of love and genuine concern for my well being.

Most people don’t even weigh themselves for fear of seeing the reality of where they really are on the obesity scale. Don’t make that mistake. I did that for almost a decade, and only just weighed myself again in 2012. BIG NO NO. Weigh yourself, be honest and accountable about your weight, it’s the first steps to accepting that you have a problem and taking conscious responsibility for that problem – and the more you openly talk about it, the more you are aware of it and in my case, the more I became motivated – and basically said ‘Right, this madness has got to stop’.


9. DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS

From my own experiences, because I know seven people who have had the gastric sleeve banding, and some folks who signed up with Jenny Craig, I constantly find myself comparing my progress with theirs.
I felt that their weight loss was faster than mine; they seemed to be eating better, looking better, and shrinking rapidly as opposed to my ‘turtle’ progress.
Then I went to see my specialist dietician, and I rattled on about how distressed I was with my slow progress, and how much farther the 99kg mark seems to be and how every day I am slowly convinced that I may never get there, and all that pain I went through after the operation, was all in vain. Well she looked at me and smiled. No – she laughed. You see we must never compare ourselves to other people
•because everyone has a unique built,
•others may have more fat mass than muscle mass and vice versa,
•shorter people seem to lose faster compared to taller people (again body mass)
•medical conditions may slower your weight loss as opposed to others (this is a huge factor in my case – over active thyroid can slow down weight loss and increase appetite)
•metabolism and water retention rates, some have more than others

So you may very well be doing all the right things but factors outlined above and more that I haven’t thought of, are slowing down your progress, these are factors out of your control and you must not let it discourage you. If you have medical problems make sure you see a doctor about it, and that you have a treatment plan in place and continue with your weight loss plan as normal – BUT be patient with yourself. Be patient with your body. Believe in the process and the equation. Eat less and healthy, train and exercise regularly, drink your 2 litres of water a day, and just persevere.

One of my favourite weight loss quotes:
“The only person you should compare yourself to, is the person you were yesterday”.


8. DON’T KID YOURSELF

When I first started to run, (I hadn’t been able to run let alone jog for a very long time), I couldn’t stop. I would run for as long as I could until my lungs and legs would literally not function anymore and it felt like my lungs would burst. Nothing felt more liberating to me. The wind in my hair, my dark shades on, skins holding me close in all sorts of places, the stinging burn of fat and the pounding in my chest – it was all very exciting and adrenaline filled. But then I started to have delusions that I was Carmelita ‘The Jet’ Jetter (the world’s fastest woman), and would literally try and out jog people jogging/running on the road when I’m out running. Even tried to do this with my husband who has a super metabolism and hasn’t gained a kilo since the day we met 13 years ago. With him it worked on days when he had an injury, and I would lead us maybe a hundred metres tops, but then I let that little accomplishment go to my head and I crashed and burned, and was out of action for two weeks straight!

Be realistic with your fitness levels.
The Carmelita’s of this world did not transform into highly super fit speed stars over night.


7. DON’T LIMIT YOURSELF TO TERMINOLOGIES

I personally don’t like the word ‘diet’. When you’ve been so used to eating certain foods, and eating a certain way, the word diet can literally bring a distasteful experience. People or society often associate weight loss with strict dieting, which often links to images of food deprivation and let’s be honest starvation. This can be both distressful and discouraging and you will only bring yourself to fail one way or another.

I choose to believe that I have instead changed my lifestyle. I prefer and choose to do this out of my own will. I prefer to exercise more because it makes me feel good. I prefer to make better choices around what types of food I am putting into my body. I prefer to think of my body more consciously as my sanctuary. That in order to have a good balance spiritually, physically, and mentally, a huge deciding factor is what I’m putting into my body and how this may affect or enhance my health, wellbeing and how good I can feel in my own skin. So therefore, I am not depriving myself of anything, instead, I choose and prefer to make better choices around my food consumption, as well as other things that I put into my body, cigarettes and alcohol are other huge factors that prohibit weight loss and effective fitness progress.

I’m not going to rant on a list of foods but if you must find a place to start, start with the small things and gradually, research says that your body will eventually grave healthy food, if you consistently feed it that way.

• Oils – I now opt to use salad/vegetable cooking oils and I also buy Pam’s Olive Oil (which is not as expensive as other brands but have the same components) and when cooking I measure with a table spoon how much oil I’m using (I try to keep to 2) instead of just pouring the oil in freely.
• Butter – Chuck out the margarines – those literally take days to dissolve, especially in cold old NZ, use butter instead, go for light blues, or even Olivani butter. Better yet, try and keep it to a minimal.
• Milk – Light Blue lite caps is the way to go, or if you’re feeling adventurous green or yellow caps, lite almond and soy milk are also great alternatives.
• Breads, Taro, Green Bananas, Biscuits, Potatoes all bakery and carbs should really be consumed to a minimum. If you can remove this from your food intake completely – all the better. For the first four months of my post op stage, I was strictly on a protein based diet, with nil carbs because my stomach couldn’t tolerate it, but it worked – the pounds started to melt away at a rate of 3kgs a week.
• Grill instead of deep frying, take off the skins of your chicken and fatty chunks on your meat.
• Use raw brown sugar (natural) as opposed to White processed sugar
• Increase vegetables in your meals by adding more to your dishes
• Be creative with your dishes
• Cut down portions by cooking less, so there’s no left overs and no seconds for everyone. You will not only make savings on your budget, as you won’t need to buy so much, and second you’ll be doing your family members a favour with their own waist problems.
• Drink water, 2 litres DAILY – I cannot stress this enough
• You know the five meals a day? (three main and two snack meals) cut that out completely. Drink your water, and stick to three good main basic well portioned meals a day

Remember you’re the boss of yourself, you can make a plan around how many cheat days you’re going to have. If and when you do cheat, choose something that can be easily fixed with a good workout. The idea however, is that if you stick to making healthier choices, your body may not grave a ‘cheat day’ too often.

6. DON’T LIMIT YOUR CHOICES

There is never a ‘one size fits all’ guideline for weight loss. This is my personal belief and experience. We are all different. It is crucial that you explore choices for exercise and meals as much as you can, so you are not limited of your choices.

Other popular meal options out there include smoothies and juicing. Instead of wasting time browsing on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter, you can put that into good use by looking up the variety of pages and organisations that offer free healthy meal plans, smoothie and juicing ideas.

There are also other weight loss support groups and organisations that you can find on the net and Facebook the likes of Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and so much more.

There are APPs that you can download to monitor your steps for the day, APPS to scan barcodes off your phone on food items that you buy so that you know exactly what’s in the products that you’ll be eating. I particularly like the Weight Watchers APP which has both the barcode system and also a meal plan system, which gives you the exact amount of calories etc. that you can have each day to meet your goal weight by your preferred or suggested time frame. It’s scary how much one cookie can slow down your progress! Yep!

Use the new media and modern technology to your advantage, for one it helps support you all the way and eliminate feeling isolated in your journey, AND a lot of it is all FREE!

5. DON’T GO WITHOUT A PLAN

Again I don’t like to have a set concrete structure around what I can or shouldn’t do.
However, I’ve learned that in order to be successful in weight loss, the same concept in other areas of life must apply. I must have a plan.

Plan your workouts. Set some short term goals. Check and cross check what you have done, how well you did it and what you could do to improve it or take it to the next level.
If you work full time, or studying, plan your meals and lunches. Be so organised, so that when you have a hunger attack, you’ve got a healthy meal or snack or a smoothie on hand and you won’t turn to a fast food for an easy fix.

When I first started back at exercising again in 2012, well before I had my operation; I decided to start with going to the pools. My joints would literally swell up from too much walking because I was so heavy and they were caving in as a result. The pools on the other hand carry your weight, making walking and squats a lot more easier and enjoyable. In NZ there is a pool at every suburb and most are free or charged at very low affordable prices. Each pool offers different activities, and the one I chose had Aqua Aerobics and Zumba in the water. It was a great way to start, and also starting from a very low moderate level of physical challenge encouraged the drive to challenge myself physically.

And remember, weigh yourself, plan out how often you’re going to do this; minimum should be at least every month. It’s the only way to constantly keep a tap on your progress or lack thereof. It’s an indicator of whether your eating plan is working, or whether your exercise plan needs to be increased.


4. DON’T IGNORE YOUR BODY
I’m no expert in fitness, yet. But I know this for sure; when I don’t listen to my body things go to kaka. Listen for signs of distress. Listen for extreme fatigue. Listening to your body includes your head. Are you in the right state of mind? Sometimes there may be too much going on at work, at home, the children are asking for your attention more often than most days, the bills will never go away, someone’s dead and you have to come up with your contribution (particularly for PI families this can be extremely distressing when you have a million other things to pay) all this can contribute to your overall mental wellness. Physical and mental must be in sync and you need to give both time to sort themselves out. For some exercise can be a stress reliever, a get away from all the social stresses at home and work. I tend to do this myself. For some however, it’s not that easy. And that’s ok. It’s important to know and understand that that’s okay and we’re all different. If you need to take time out, do so, but ensure that longest you should go without some form of exercise should be kept to a minimum of one week.

I plan my exercise schedule with a target of minimum of three days of challenging exercise. In between these days, I rest. I give my body time to recover for the next exercise. It works for me. Find what works for you.

3. DON’T LET IT GET BORING

One of the worst enemies of exercising and weight loss is when it becomes just a process in motion. When it becomes boring, you become complacent. KEEP IT FUN.

I do this by changing my routine continuously and varying my workouts and the activities I do. Sometimes I change things around monthly, sometimes weekly. That’s how I keep it fun. Going to the gym continuously can become boring, but when you have a dedicated partner to go with you, and you both push each other along, the gym can be quite fun. You take note of how many lapses on the cross trainer you did the day before and push yourself to the next level the next day.

I like to walk on the road, through the towns, taking in my surroundings and the smells of the suburbs and the busy towns with all its fast food and take away restaurants.

I like to go to parks with intensive challenging routes and tracks, and basking in the beauty of nature.

Some days when it rains or too cold I just turn on the music on high, and do my own spin on zumba, some squats, sit ups, push ups, suicides (short quick intense running methods), Kim Kardashian booty work, blanks the works really, all in the comfort of my garage.

I join challenges when it suits my schedule, fitness at work, zumba, Power Lifting and Fight Do at my local gym. Find what works for you and run with it!

2. DON’T EAT PAST 9pm

This is a big one. I personally like to eat before 8pm, but I realise this may not be realistic for other people. For my family, we’ve gotten so use to eating at 6:30 or 7:00pm maximum that no matter what we’re doing, we always ensure that we’ve got our dinner cooked by then, and that everyone’s home by then. That includes me if I’m out running.
The reason being is that by 8:00pm, I’m not doing much physical activity to burn my dinner off. I’d be helping with the children’s home works, watching the news on repeat, then sometimes blogging, face booking, doing some work, or watching TV. The point is, you don’t want to have a huge meal sitting there unprocessed overnight, you want to burn it before you go to bed. Otherwise, you run the risk of turning it into stored fat.


1. DON’T GET COMPLACENT

Another big enemy. So you do really well, you stick to your plan and two or three months later you’ve lost some significant weight and you start to think you’re the pro now. That was my biggest downfall, for as long as I could remember, and it would always see me quit after four months or so of trying and this had become a pattern, so much so that every time I tried to start up again, my husband would ask “How long will it be this time?”. Complacency gives way to old habits. Simple as that, so do not ever take things for granted. Don’t ever start justifying your bad habits. That one piece of chocolate will turn into the whole block when you do. Always be on alert, always remind yourself of what’s at stake. Your health, well being and happiness.
Eyes on the prize they say!


Right that’s all I can think of for now, if anyone has any other important useful tips that I’ve missed that has worked for you; please do add to the DON’TS LIST.

Women, Elections and What PI communities aren't in NZ!

When politicians come to the table, it’s a glorious affair.
The atmosphere is electrifying, abundant with flaring egos, never ending charisma, and where wits and knowledge come under fire! Oh how that fire can burn! There is so much heat, that some may wither and shy away, but only the strongest weathers the pressure and rise above the firing line of questions. Remove the usual political associated image of immaculate men in silky suits and polished pointers, and replace that with beautiful golden brown fierce women and that table has just reached hideous degrees.
Yes, it’s an Election year in Aotearoa, and I am no stranger to that table. Well, not as a participant, but as an observant and a member of the firing squad. (Thanks to eight fulfilling years of journalism).

I must say that I have been completely numb to this year’s election, until Saturday 30th of August 2014, when I decided to check out an invite to attend the Pacific Women in Politics Breakfast Meet at the AUT Manukau Campus. Why numb? Well for a number of reasons. I have been in this country for five years now, and still the problems of the brown people just seem to keep mounting. As a matter of fact, I am categorised as belonging to an ethnicity/ethnic group, that is renowned for making up the lesser socio-economic ethnic groups of NZ and are in fact earning, receiving or achieving less in everything, from education, health, housing, welfare, rehabilitation, crime, gambling the list goes on. For sensitive types like me, this can become disheartening and you look to the leaders that are suppose to pave the way in the community, you look to systems that the earlier generations have put in place and the political parties they have chosen to stand behind, and somehow things just do not seem reassuring and the future looks fragile. You look to the present government of the day, and there is very little security that the best interests of the Pacific peoples, Maori and the more vulnerable members of society are being prioritised. There is no solid evidence to suggest that if we keep going the way that the early Pacific settlers have paved, that we will improve our margins in the economic ladder of NZ. So you get to a point where you just say, stuff it, we’ll let others decide we’ll see where this will lead us.

This complacency, I knew was just a phase, and I needed a bit of inspiration to get me out of it. Inspiration came in the form of Pacific Women leaders in Politics. This table was a magnificent table. Pacific women never fail to bring the X in Exotic. Add to it charisma, education, culture, humility, a bit of fashion and red lipstick, and the room came alive. I came alive. Issues ranging from housing, rentals, health and education are always the popular policies. Promises Policies around introducing a ‘rent freeze’ law proposed by the Greens as a solution for sky rocketing rent prices sounded doable. More funding into education and health, and completely erasing the ‘decile’ system in education to equalise the quality of education and opportunities across the country is one policy that all parties seem to agree on (minus National, as their candidate Misa Fia Turner left before questioning time, which was a pity). Cutting out taxes completely, proposed by the conservatives, was called ‘a nice dream in the clouds’ by the practical NZ First Lea’ufa’amuli Asenati Lole-Taylor.

Crime and the over representation of Maori and Pacific Islanders in community based sentences and prisons is a topic that I was particularly interested in (given my line of work), and only one candidate lightly touched on it, New Zealand First’s Lea’ufa’amuli Asenati Lole-Taylor, current Member of Parliament for the Manukau East Constituency and NZ First’s ranked 16 candidate for the current election. Lea’ufa’amuli was after all the Regional Pacific Advisor for the Department of Corrections in Rehabilitation and Reintegration prior to her election in Parliament in 2011. So naturally I was shocked when she suggested that the answer to reduction of crime was to put more Police Officers on the ground. A move that has already been claimed by the National Party to have been their idea. I put my hand up for a question, but someone beat me to the last one. (The Chairperson was meticulous with her time management).

Fortunately, I managed to have a quick chat with the MP afterwards, and still she was very adamant that Corrections and Probation Services were just ‘kidding themselves’ referring to the Department’s National Vision/Goal to reduce crime by 25% by 2017. Now Mrs Lole-Taylor has been under fire recently for a press release she released on the same topic where she was accused on social media of completely ignoring statistical facts on the subject of crime, rehabilitation and reduction of reoffending. Perhaps this is because facts show that there are 8,520 prisoners currently, down from 8,755 three years ago. Furthermore, I am no spokesperson for the Department of Corrections, but facts and public information actually show that the Department has achieved over 50% of its overall goal in the reduction of re-offending, having reduced reoffending by 17% and have 8% to go before 2017. Despite this, she was the most outstanding in terms of her persona and aura. She was oozing of charisma and confidence, treading on the edges of arrogance at times, but hey maybe she could afford it? I particularly liked her idea of a provision of $1,000.00 for every new born child, and then said that this would somewhat be incorporated into the Kiwi Saver Scheme. Isn’t that what the scheme’s already about?

Who inspired the most and why? The Labour and Greens Party candidates won my vote on the day. The three Labour candidates were a great team of young, beautiful ladies, who tackled all issues, with assertive humility and well researched topics. Louisa Wall MP for Manurewa and candidate ranked 12 for Labour, passionately tackled issues on housing, and health related issues for Maori and Pacific Islanders and all elderly citizens stating that Nationals’ policies were far from being ‘rock star’ policies. She also announced that Labour will inject $60 dollars a week into the pockets of parents for the first three years of a child’s life. Achievable but will it be enough? Who’s taxes will that be coming out from?. Jenny Salesa (Tongan married to a Samoan husband) smoothly mitigated issues on education and equal opportunities for students in South Auckland as with the rest of New Zealand outlining Labour education policies, clearly reflecting the benefits of having a Law Degree. I like the idea of having an equal decile system, but will this cause more harm than help for the assessed low decile areas? Will this affect the vulnerable again more than those at the top of the ladder?

Marama Davidson of the Greens Party and candidate for Tamaki Makaurau was vigilant on issues of free public transport, student allowances, rent, housing, poverty amongst Maori and Pacific peoples, taxation, and of course the environment.

What do most of these women have in common? All eight of them are running for Parliament to state the obvious. Seven migrated to New Zealand from their respective Pacific Island countries with their families, and look how far they’ve come? Most are members and Chairs of various Boards and councils. All young and attractive and all have a kick ass attitude, ready to take up their place in Parliament, ready to make changes in their communities. All are passionate to improve the statistics of Pacific Island and Maori peoples on the welfare system, the Justice and Prisons population, education achievement, health, and housing. Their passion inspired everyone who attended including myself and renewed our hopes in the political system of this country. For me, my faith in democracy was resurrected. We must not give up. Because our vote, has the same value as every other citizen in this country, whether they’re first class citizens, or those at the grass roots of society. Our vote value is the same.

There was a real sense that no matter what Party they belonged to, these women all have the common goal of realising the dreams of every Pacific Island migrant and Maori citizen of New Zealand and all other ethnic members of our multi cultural communities. That is, to improve their standards of living. They know that they belong to a proud group of people, who refuse to be limited to the stigmatisation and researched statistics labelling our people as the ‘less achievers’ and lower socio economic members of a first world country. Out of Four+ million New Zealanders, we only make up about Ten or Eleven percent of the country's overall population. So ofcourse our percentage of achievers, employed etc, will never match that of the more dominant ethnic groups. So how is it, that such a small population, can make up more of the unemployed rates of NZ? Something's not right. And we have been saying this for how many years now, those statistics do not reflect the correct tremendous contribution that PIs represent in NZ's workforce. Instead, we continue to be collated under everything that isn't working for NZ. Never mind the phenomenal contribution of our athletes to rugby, netball, boxing, athletics and other international sports that have enlargened NZ's dot on the map? Don't get me wrong, we ALL love New Zealand,and we are all proud to be part of this beautiful strong and accomplished country, but we do not want to be labelled as NZ's problems. Our forefathers have come too far and our communities have survived for too long, to be just a troubled part of NZ society. We are working too hard for too little to be discriminated by the snobbery and ignorance of some members of society and what some research says to be true. All researches are man made and highly susceptible to manipulation after all.

So if you were like me and had been planning on skipping your vote this year, I hope you’re reading this post. Do think twice, and do have a think again about those dreams. Who says we can’t achieve those dreams, with hard work, persistence and a bit of improved opportunities and education, we should be able to achieve the Conservative Party’s vision of a ‘ONE NEW ZEALAND’ moving forward. We should be able to breach that ever growing gap between the rich and poor. We should be able to improve and create better policies to protect our children, eradicate child poverty in NZ, and reduce our crime rates.

I believe that increased employment opportunities, increased minimum wage, equal quality education and opportunities, more housing for those in need, and affordable and better health services, will relieve those at the lower socio economic ladder from dependency on the welfare system and the stifling addictive hold of gangs, drugs and alcohol, prostitution and crime. This is why it is so important to vote. Every vote counts. If you no longer have faith in Political parties, check out who your constituent candidates are, and find out for yourself whether they would serve your interests and voice in Parliament. Sometimes, its easier to know one person first and form there you can decide, well if they can stand for this Party and its policies, then maybe I could stand for it too.

The choice is yours.

IF you must vote, vote woman! Remember behind every great man is a great woman. Well, if we can get these women in Parliament, then we know all the males there would be well advised. Vote woman or man it doesn't matter and I don't want to be labelled as a sexist. Whatever you do, vote for a better NZ for ALL ethnic groups.

NZ, the Land of misconstrued Opportunities!

For most families in Samoa (especially families living well below the average middle class line), moving to New Zealand, is an opportunity of a Life Time. It means quality affordable/free first world class education, medical services, cheaper food, clothes, products and services that were once beyond their means and almost always out of reach. It means a chance for their sons to be the next ‘Tana Umaga’, or their daughters to have a shot at the Silver Ferns, and to even become visible to Manu Samoa and National Netball selectors, because let’s be honest, there’s always the politics of ‘who you know rather than what you know’ that impacts on individual development in Samoa.

Once the ticket is secured for the Land of the Long White Cloud of ‘milk and honey’ people come loaded with dreams to do well.

Now NZ does in fact deliver well on its promise of opportunities! I have experienced this first-hand myself.

However, the misconstrued gap in that equation comes with the ‘mentality’ that wealth and security will be waiting for you on a silver platter. The second barrier to those opportunities for our Samoan people is what I call ‘cultural’ mentalities. I use the word ‘mentality’ because what I’m about to elaborate on, I strongly believe, is not part of Samoan culture per say, rather it’s an acquired Samoan ‘way of thinking’. Before those families board their flights to their new lives, they would have already had a list of ‘things to send back’ to certain family members. They will have received the blessings of their parents, extended family, and something else equally long lasting.

‘Expectations’.

The families will have been given direct speeches about working hard in NZ, doing well and ‘remember your family’, ‘remember the love we gave you’. “Aua ne’i galo le Alofa”. Now that last phrase may be interpreted in different ways, but when you’re getting ready to travel to a land where wealth is supposedly acquired overnight and your economic stability is expected to now exceed that of your family left behind, and you were raised in a culture where reciprocity has always been the main currency, there is only one appropriate interpretation. That is, remittance! I haven’t lived in Samoa for five years now, but prior to that I know that remittance was if not the top revenue for the country it would have been the second. Judging from the experiences of most Samoan families I’ve visited in NZ, that couldn’t have changed much.

I’m not hard hearted, or ignorant of Fa’a Samoa. Believe me I too am bound to this way of ‘thinking’. Whether it’s expected of me or not, it tends to grow on you and you feel somehow obligated to give back to your family for several things like funerals of people you’ve never met before, and have not received any help from since you were born, or helping someone’s child with their school fees or other regardless of your own ten children’s needs, or someone’s getting a Matai title and we all have to give money so the village can see how ‘well off’ our family has become (that’s the silent real reason of why contributions are so high), the list goes on and on...

But when someone of my ethnicity is sitting in front of me, balling their eyes out, convicted of charges the likes of ‘Theft as a Servant, Using Documents for Pecuniary Purposes, Giving False Information to WINZ or Housing NZ, Burglary, Male Assaults Female (Domestic Violence)’ and the underlying issues boil down to financial hardships, you have got to ask the questions that we all try to sweep under the fala.

Why are our Samoan people who migrate to New Zealand falling under the traps of financial hardship? Why are our people feeling the need to lie to Housing NZ about the true nature of their marital circumstances and employment so they may have access to homes reserved for people who earn less than them, or lying to Social Welfare about the same thing so they may earn a benefit while their partner works, and therefore they’re bringing in the same income that people like me are having to work for but at my expense? Why are our people being driven to commit acts of theft in their well respected jobs? Why are young Samoan families and couples experiencing severe depression and anxieties leading to on-going arguments and police intervention at the homes every other week? Why are our youth turning to the streets, gangs, drugs and burglary? I know that there are numerous inter-related domino effect factors for a lot of the social issues that our Samoan migrants in New Zealand are facing. But I also strongly believe, one of those issues is ‘Expectations’.

You see, when they boarded that flight to NZ, they didn’t know about the pricing of rental properties for a week. They didn’t know how long it would take to save money for a vehicle, which is a necessity in this country when you have a big family, a trademark of Samoan aiga. They didn’t know that you have to have lived in NZ for two years before you are eligible for Housing NZ properties, and a benefit, and other entitlements. They didn’t know that medical services were free ONLY to infants and children under 5. They didn’t know that the cost of uniforms for students in schools were more expensive than the yearly school donation. They didn’t know that their children can’t just wear jandals to school, they have to wear proper fully covered shoes, with the similar price tag to a part of their uniform. We're talking over $180NZD per child, if you get them everything in order for your child to be warm while at school (which unfortunately we see most Pacific Island children don’t have their full uniform). They didn’t know that most parking spaces in NZ are paid,( that includes hospital parking). They didn’t know that they would be needing things like internet and telephones in order to live in their new culture and environment, where most things function in the digital world. They didn’t know that their hard earned wages (double sometimes triple what they used to earn back in Samoa) wouldn’t go a long way with things like, food, petrol, clothes , basic necessities and children’s needs. They didn’t know that whilst food that were once in-disposable to them, although might seem cheaper, it all adds up. They didn’t know that in order to keep your children off the streets you needed to ensure they participate in as much extra-expensive curricular activities as possible, to keep their newfound interests, curiosities and energies under wraps.

No they didn’t know at all.

So some folks end up getting themselves into insurmountable debt to buy a car for their new life, send money home for fa’alavelaves the likes of funerals, weddings, title bestowals, church activities, buy their families in Samoa cars that are better than what they drive in NZ, send boxes of food, clothes, and goods (for no apparent reason) or just parental allowances on a regular basis. Then they moan and groan and eat $2.00 cereals for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They buy Chicken backs from the Chinese for $13NZD and try to make it last for a week between a Family of 6 or 7 (average Samoan families). Kids’ lunch boxes (if any) are often empty, their uniforms aren’t complete and they’re cold because they’re not wearing the proper shoes and thermal wear (we see this everyday with most PI children especially in South Auckland). Many Samoans may not necessarily be living in these circumstances in NZ, I am talking about the ones that end up in the Justice system.

Most of our migrant Samoan families that I’ve come across in my professional and private community projects, are not paying their debts, finding themselves on eviction because they’re not paying their rent, their phones and internet are cut off because they’re not paying their bills, and they’re not at all in sync with their new way of life and their new environment, because they’re having to worry about balancing how to put food on the table, and where to get money to send to Samoa. And if you’re a follower of certain Samoan churches, you’ve got even more to worry about. (But that’s a topic on its own). They’re finding that they’ve got loan sharks on their backs because they’re continually loaning money or gambling to find something to meet that expectation.

I went to the house of an extended relative who were sending weekly allowances to Samoa once. We’re talking the rest of the other breadwinner’s income remitted to Samoa, equivalent of around $1,500TALA, whilst the partner claims the Solo Mother benefit so they can survive. They were sending that much home, yet they couldn’t offer me a cup of tea, because they didn’t have any cups! (They said as much). Those usually cost about $6NZD for a dozen at the Warehouse. Now if they couldn’t afford to buy tea cups, they shouldn’t have any business sending money to Samoa. But that ‘expectation’ is so real, and so strong, and so deeply entrenched into our peoples’ minds and functioning, that people just find themselves going out of their way and beyond their means to show their families back home ‘that they haven’t forgotten the alofa’. Should this be the Samoan interpretation of ALOFA?

Samoan families migrating to NZ are finding that life in New Zealand is only an experience of ‘milk and honey’ if you’re paying your bills and focussing on the needs of your children and yourself first above all others, and that you’re learning to say ‘NO’ to the expectations. They’re learning to say ‘this is all I can afford, nothing more’. And they’re learning, that just because they say no, doesn’t mean they have forgotten their families, or they love them any less. Instead, it should mean, asking their families back home, to be a little bit more understanding and supportive of their new life. That it’s not at all the life of luxury and wealth that they are expecting it to be within a matter of months. It’s a life of hard work, that takes years to build from scratch, and eventually it will become the life of ‘milk and honey’ with years of savings, paying bills, not having to get into debt.

And then, maybe then, helping out others aside from yourself and your children is something that’s within your means, and won’t put you and your children and family in jeopardy of the law, and out of a harmonious peaceful life in a new country, new culture, new way of living and thinking.

In summary, Samoan migrant families in NZ are finding themselves in debt, and in trouble with the law and have acquired addictions of alcohol, drugs and gambling. Statistics show an escalation in crimes related to financial hardships with Samoan and PI families in general. Pacific Island families are always at the lesser end of the economic ruler, and apparently low achievers in Education in New Zealand (I think this is mainly because of our ratio as the minority race in a huge multicultural country, because Samoans and PIs are doing well in Education and this seriously needs to be reassessed). This ‘cultural’ mentality is in fact a huge contributing factor. It should be up to us who have found ourselves in positions to be of help to others, to educate our people to its detrimental effects.

I leave you with contact details to the TALANOA – help line 0800-56-26-787. Led by Samoa’s own son and legend, La’auli Michael Jones, the organisation is there to help you with any problems you’re experiencing with loan sharks. Learn about your debt and how to shrink it the best possible way!

Think Smart. Think of your safety and your children First!

BIRTHDAYS AND BARIATRIC SURGERY - WILL I SEE ME AGAIN?

Today I woke up to a soft petal touch of warmth on my lips, a hug, a bouquet of one of my favourite flowers (Daisies and Sunflowers), a heartfelt card, a Vanilla-banana smoothie (made by 10 yr old) and a line-up for kisses and hugs from my family, which included my big son Kevin who’s just home for the weekend from boarding school! Now if that’s not the perfect start to your birthday, I don’t know how else that could have been more special.(Oh we're going to the beach and I'm blogging while husband and kids are cleaning and organising everything - yep, that's pretty special too. Big smiles).

If there’s anything I have learned in the past 32 years (wow, I feel so old) of my existence, is that FAMILY is the most precious possession that we can have in a lifetime. Children are a bonus, a ‘gift from God’ in every essence of the phrase, they give us meaning and reason to live and strive for better things in life, and insurmountable joy. Husbands; now that’s just God being an awesome God. When we find someone special, someone who truly cares for us for who we are, in all our flaws, strengths and weaknesses, in sickness and in health, in rags or riches; someone who willingly offers all of themselves to us, without conditions nor expectations (well we all know there are always boundaries – but you know what I mean), someone that you can share laughter with just minutes after screaming at each other, someone who is willing to be patient with you, to walk with you in a path that they don’t understand because they desperately want you in their lives and will never be able to breath nor think without you, someone whom you can’t equally live without, that my friends is love. I only have God to thank for getting me this far and for blessing me with the most important thread that weaves, binds and hold together the all so delicate and exquisite fabric of life.

Another year added to my humble life. ‘Delicate’ being the operative word, last year, I was diagnosed with having an ‘over active thyroid’, which explained why I was having so much problems losing weight. Thyroid problems are often difficult to detect, especially if you’re on a weight loss journey, you could easily mistake the quick weight loss as progress of your intensive dieting and exercising, and the tiredness can be shrugged off as just part of the territory. Trembling in your hands and speech, quickening or slowing of your heart rate, anxiety attacks, extreme tiredness and lack of energy, weight gain or excessive fast weight loss – those are just some of the symptoms of an over active thyroid. Its biggest damage impacts mostly on your heart. Which is why specialists are so concerned about untreated thyroid problems. Apparently its quiet common in Pacific Islanders, my mother had the same diagnosis in 2012, and specialists in New Zealand were quick to diagnose and treat it. It will never go away, but treatment will ensure its under control.

Anyway, weight loss has been an ever present battle in my life. Although they say ‘Big is Beautiful’ (and Samoans particularly love this phrase, believe me I use to love it too) because it’s an excellent excuse to escape from the reality of being obese, I most certainly no longer agree. I am even more offended when women who are clearly a size 16 or less, come out and publicly proclaim that there’s nothing wrong with being big! Woman, try adding on 10 more dress sizes and come back and tell me in the face that that’s how you truly feel about being ‘big’!

There is nothing poetic about carrying around well over 90kgs = 180pounds of excess weight that you don’t need. It is awfully heavy, joint crushing, hot, stuffy, sometimes sweaty (it doesn’t happen in NZ climate so thank God), uncomfortable, can’t run, can’t play much physical sports with your kids. You can only buy and wear expensive clothes because your size in something fashionable is very rare and usually has a three figure tag price. Not to mention that you often find indirect discrimination against you in the workplace because of your weight, never mind your experience, integrity, hard work, passion and drive, your weight is I feel one of the main factors that obese people get looked over for promotions and leadership roles (because society thinks that if you can’t control your eating habits then clearly you can’t surely manage a team or a more intensive role). The list is never ending. But you see, food addiction is just like any other addiction. It is a really problem. But add to that a list of biological complications that prevent you from losing weight, including turning diabetic at 40, and you’re pretty much fucked!

So my Doctor offered to place me on the list for Bariatric Surgery. An operation whereby surgeons carry out what they call the ‘sleeve’ procedure and cut off at least 90% of your stomach (the organ that holds all of your consumed food), including the appetite sensors of your stomach to first; decrease the size of your stomach which ultimately limits the quantity of your food consumption and second to eliminate your appetite tremendously which prevents ‘hunger attacks’. All obese food addicts know what ‘hunger attacks’ are, it’s when your chest is literally pounding with hunger pains just 40 minutes after you’ve had a full meal. At that time, I was only 30 years old and weighing a whopping 163kgs. Life was not at all comfortable and my children, particularly my baby was only four years old at the time, and I was finding it hard to run after her. Let alone bath her (which required a lot of bending down). I was seeing my Doctor every two weeks, with all sorts of complications, and had been hospitalised three times with severe unexplained chest pains in the space of two years. Exercise had become detrimental to my very own health. My joints were constantly swollen from just light everyday walking.

So I agreed with my Doctor. He told me it wasn’t going to be easy. There would be a lot of processes and checks that I had to go through and I would still need to lose a certain amount of weight before the specialists put me on the list for the government funded bariatric surgery. Which if privately done, comes out to about $26,000.00; I most certainly didn’t have that kind of money to throw away for an operation. Not when you have five children to support, a young family, and the only child and main supporter of ill parents. So we went through all the checks, I got declined three times. (Because I hadn’t lost any weight and because they felt that I was still young and still had time to do it on my own – surgery should always be your last resort).

So I changed up my schedule and lifestyle. I started exercising more regularly, and eating healthy, less portions, and stopped buying soda, chips and take away, and replaced it with water and home cooked meals, soups, salads, fruits and smoothies. Three months later I started showing results. I joined weight loss challenges with friends and families which fuelled my motivation to maintain my new lifestyle. I had plenty of lapses, but I learned to get back on my feet quickly, or I wouldn’t get back up at all. Before I knew it, I had received a letter for my first information workshop on ‘bariatric surgery’ to learn what it was all about.

Main complications – death, bleeding, leaking and other slightly minor ones.

Yes, the big D word, like with any operation, death is always a possibility.

From memory the possibility of death is about 1%, the success rate of the operation itself has been proven to be 100%, the death rate has been 0.0001% in New Zealand over the past 5 plus years. Lifetime changes after the operation, you will never be able to gulp water ever, rather you’ll be sipping everything religiously. Your food portions will be much much smaller. My mate at work who’s successfully had hers, swears she can only eat half a sausage now for a meal! For the first three weeks after surgery, everything will be pureed, which makes sense because your scarring is on the inside and you need to heal first. After that, you can pretty much eat anything (healthier choices), but in very small portions. It is expected that you will lose 68% of your body weight during the first three months after the operation. Two weeks ago, I finally got the call, my operation is on the 10th of February and I have to start living on Optifast meal replacement shakes for three weeks prior to surgery to shrink my liver size and enhance fast recovery after the operation.
Thus I am not eating anything on my own birthday but smoothies and salads! However, I feel that getting the operation is going to be the best gift I can give myself.

I have not been at my recommended weight for well over a decade. When child number three came along, that was it, I started gaining progressively.

I do not recommend that all obese people should get this surgery by putting this experience in writing. I am simply being honest to myself and one of the reasons why I am always putting honest accounts of my weight loss on paper and on face book, is because in this game, often we need to be accountable to someone. If not to an audience of followers but to ourselves. I don’t want to be one of those folks who lose the weight from bariatric surgery, yet when people inquire about their ‘secret’ they pretend that they did it all on their own.

It is by no means a walk in the park or a quick fix. There are a lot of things that I am having to sacrifice in order to get this operation and lose the weight. I will never eat the same – ever! But drawing from the scriptures and Jesus teachings, ‘man does not live on food alone, but the Word of God’ helps me get through it. I will be taking vitamin supplements for the rest of my life. Will it be worth it?

To be able to drop 10 or even 20 dress sizes successfully without any further biological complications – absolutely.

To be able to play and run with my children, go bungee jumping, diving, hot balloon riding, sea and air gliding, jump from a plan for sky diving (my bucket list) and add more years to my life to spend with my family, friends, loved ones and my husband?

PRICELESS.

So this birthday, I most certainly count myself blessed and I am extremely excited to see ME again – pretty soon.