Let's Talk Sex Baby

Earlier this morning my sixteen year old daughter bounced into the dinning room in full excitement!

In my head, I'd already played out what she was going to ask for; money for a trip, money for new training gears, money for lunch or movies with her friends, or overdue allowance money (yes I am quite forgetful when it comes to the latter).

To my blissful surprise, the words she uttered had nothing to do with money!

"Mom, I'm lucky to have you as my mother. All my friends say so."

Okay - when your 16 year old child talks about you in appreciation - you're either hearing voices, or they want something from you, or there's been some sort of miraculous intervention. Let's face it - this is the age when all they ever think about is - ME ME ME & ME!

Anyway, I tried my best not to jump for glee and and enquired as to what did I ever do to receive such a high esteemed accolade in the history of my run with teenage parenting!

She explained, someone (her age), that she knew was caught having an intimate relationship, and had been banned into strict grounding, so strict their parents wouldn't know where to look for them in the house! Yes - they're of Pacific Island ethnicity.

How might she be so lucky you may ask? Well I most definitely do not allow her to have any kind of intimate relationship at her age. I do not encourage it in any way at all.

But we have formed an understanding my teenagers and I.

There are no boundaries to what subjects we can discuss between us. There is no subject too sacred, too taboo, too ugly or too uncomfortable or too shameful that we cannot talk about in our house, at our table, during our runs, in my room or after church or wherever. Anywhere that I'm present is a safe place and space to have discussions.

Sex is at the height of being one of the topics that receives the thumbs up from me!

Growing up - sex was always a taboo subject in my Samoan upbringing, even in school. So much so that when time came for menstruation, I had no idea what was happening to my body! Sex and intimate relationships were such a hush hush topic that when teenagers at my time were curious, as teenagers do at that age, we had to turn to movies and or each other and very often the latter was never a good choice because it was almost always the case of the blind leading the blind.

Having an understanding of an open forum for free flow discussions in my house with my teenagers has helped open up barriers that would have otherwise made them keep secrets from me.

The first time I decided to create this forum was when my daughter turned 16. Having gone through teenage pregnancy myself, I admit I was anxious when she neared the age. So I sat her down and I started by inviting her to feel free to talk to me about anything.

Boys, sex, men, women, abuse, rape, sexual abuse, body changes, relationships, attraction, hormonal changes, A N Y T H I N G!

You can imagine the look on her face when we had our first talk. I laid my terms on the table.  There will always be boys, men eventually, for the rest of her life. But she will only live her life once.

Opportunities come and go, but her youth will only come once.

Expectations were set right from the get go. Should she fantasize anyone or the idea of a relationship, she will come to me first before she even bats her eyelids!

We discussed men in general. Boys in general. What separates boys from men and gentlemen from jerks. What dating should look like, what to expect and that it was damn okay for a woman to have high expectations of her mate. She never talked so much.

She wasn't too keen on body functions and details. That was all taught in health class apparently. Periods...again thank you Health class but by that time - the subject of menstrual cycles was minor compared to the heat of boys and relationships etiquette.

To this day, she knows she can talk to me about anything. She knacks a lot about boys in her school being immatured. (I may have made her set her standards real high - that's okay - she's well worth it).

I find that she's very relaxed, not so anxious to get into the discovery channel. It's as if she's completely aware of her situation and surroundings, she knows what the fuss is all about and is in no rush to get to the finish line. She wants to explore life and it's adventures and what it has in store for her before anything else. Unlike some ahhhhm people. (Well she wouldn't be here if I didn't - life's ironies).

In offender management - I come across women of all ages, from all walks of life, and from all scenes of abuse!

You name it, I've seen it and dealt with it first hand, with both sides of the coin; victims and perpetrators of violence. Sexual or otherwise.

One of the most common factors that I see across the board with women victims and male perpetrators, is the lack or ignorance of knowledge.

They lack understanding of their situations.

They lack the ability to differentiate what normal behaviour is from abusive and controlling behaviors.

They fail to separate what controlling manipulation looks like from pure love and affection!

Abusive relationships became their normality at an early age because they never saw or knew any different. Most were thrown into relationships or forceful situations without much life experience, and having learned relationships from minimal interactions that were most likely negative and unhealthy.

One of the best things that we mothers can do in our roles as confidantes, to help eliminate violence against women and children, is to encourage open discussions about relationships, sex, behaviors and expectations with our daughters, sons, sisters, brothers (yes brothers) colleagues, and male friends.

Find a safe space and use appropriate language and understanding and have that discussion.

I was recently in Samoa and I got to spend some time with my biological brother (who was raised by his adopted parents) and his wife. I noticed that he was often overpowering towards her. Often he failed to see that she was tired from tending the children, chores, food, house and their parents. I noticed that he did not see in himself that his behaviour could be wrong. Because he lived in a society where religion and culture holds man to be the head of the aiga. This is true and plays a critical role in maintaining family structure and balance. But unfortunately, these roles are not understood by many to their full extent.

That being Head of the aiga means that they have a responsibility to protect, care for and nurture those in their circle. Not to demand, dictate and dominate them.

So I took my brother aside and talked to him. Gently. Which is often a challenge for me when it comes to difficult men!

I did not shy away from the subject of sexual relationships. We talked about family planning, giving her time for her body to heal. We talked about their health. We talked about what makes them happy together. We talked about balance and respectful expectations that man and woman should have for each other.
He was so relieved. I was happy for him. A few days later, I visited again, she was smiling a lot more. He was tending to the children more. They seemed happier.
I'm not saying I solved all of their problems and they will now live happily ever after. But I showed you and them what ongoing open discussions can do for relationships!

Starting those open discussions early whilst they're young - means adults go into the world armed with some knowledge and experience and the confidence to make positive, healthy well informed decisions in their relationships and interactions with other people.

Violence is the product of people.

Unhappy, ignorant, confused, embarrassed, lost, unloved, abused, misunderstood, unhealthy people.

People interact with each other.

Interactions means relationships.

If we can feel confident in having open discussions about our relationships and our expectations of each other in our relationships - we can help eliminated violence.

It may seem trivial but discussions creates understanding. Understanding is knowledge.

Knowledge is power.

Power helps a woman understand her situation, her partner, what she expects from them and what she doesn't want them do to her or any other woman! It will empower her to spot good mates and or leave behind unwanted partners.

Remember, discussions are a two way stream. You state your point. They say theirs. You listen and you hear what they have to say. As in really hear it. Sympathise and empathize by placing yourself in their situation. Then find your common ground and compromise.

It is not a dictating session. It is not about you or them. It's about two people coming to an understanding.

Have those discussions. It may empower them. It may inspire them. It may save them.

You Faikakala YOU

Faikakala - translated literally - creating, making up stories and then spreading it.

Stories that are mostly fabricated from lies, susequently generating rumours and this month's leading content for what my lady friends and I like to call -'Coconut Wireless Communications'.

When I was an active journalist - people used to refer to news reporters as le a'u faikakala. They still do. Thankfully - it's a profession where you quickly adapt to harsh public criticism and acquire thick skin. Resilience becomes your very best friend and you just turn on selective hearing/reading mode when you hear such ignorant references.

I say ignorant because folks never really think before they make stereotype  remarks about the profession.

Mainstream media are the 'watchdogs' for any community. A democracy is only as good as its media. Journalists work on gathering factual information to question policies, processes, and decisions that affect their communities and equip the general public with factual information to make informative decisions that impact on their livelihoods and community wellness. Other areas of journalism focus on spreading awareness on global economic, political, health, environmental issues to effect similar outcomes and more.

That to me is - telling a story - these are stories that need to be told to assist the public in making informative decisions.
Freedom of the Media and Freedom of Speech enable journalists to access public information and report on that information in the interests of public rights to accountability and transparency of information that affects the public.

Telling a story and 'making' up malicious stories/rumours about individuals that affect their reputation and how people perceive them are two very different things.

'Making up' stories, with malicious intention to destroy someone's reputation, exploit their personal choices, their personal decisions, their personal lives - now that is Faikakala by Lokoleaga Productions, Edited by Fa'akele and Fa'apopo Company; and spread for the amusement of The Coconut Wireless Communications followers by Fela'ua'i Kala Broadcasting!

When a headline of the sort hits the newsboard ask yourself these questions:

1. Does it affect the economy and my financial situation?

2. Does it affect the way politicians make decisions on my behalf or on public policies?

3. Will it better my health or my understanding of health services?

4. Will it better my children's education or the general education system?

5. Will it improve issues of global environmental impact - like the Ozone Layer thinning, Pacific Atolls sinking, Serian Wars, refugee, starvation, human trafficking etc?

6. Will it assist in reducing crime, boosting motivation of addicts for treatment, addressing issues of public safety and security and justice?

7. Will it make me a better person mentally? Will I feel good about myself after? Will I get an award for it? Will I get any money for it? Will it help boost my bank account?

8. Will it get me a job? A degree? A house? A car?

9. Is it going to teach my children lifelong lessons about how to be a responsible adult?

10. Last but not the least - Is it any of my business?

If you have answered no to all 10 questions then you should have enough intelligence and self respect to say that you don't want to hear it, read it, like it or let alone talk about it and repeating it to the next person.
Because that is not news - that is GOSSIP. As in Faikakala.

The ones who start gossip are of gossip the same stroke as the ones who listen to it and repeat it without even checking if it's true but more importantly if it was any of their business!

This post has been inspired from seeing Facebook statuses of Samoan women degrading each other - and adding fuel to the fire by using malicious gossip from their so called support networks to cut and stab each other. What they don't realize is that the sams people who are pressing 'like' on the other's statuses are then going on to the other woman's status and pressing like for their response! These people are feeding off their 'personal attacks' of each other for their sheer amusement and entertainment!

Who are the fools now?

I find it horribly disgusting when women have nothing better to do than to just amuse and occupy their time talking about the personal lives of others. What's more disgusting are the ones running between these two women, transporting filthy bile from one woman to another and then sitting back and watching them explode and degrade each other in public - while they clap, warm up their popcorn and plan more twists for the plot to get even juicier!

YOU ARE SICK IF YOU DO THAT and GET A KICK OUT OF RUINING PEOPLE'S LIVES, REPUTATIONS AND MENTAL STABILITY.

THAT IS BULLYING!

I suggest you take yourself to your family doctor and request to see a psychologist for intervention. That is not normal human behavior.

The only outcomes for gossip can never be good.

I've seen too many women suffer public humiliation, depression, self harm and suicide all from the fact that some people just couldn't mind their own business and others weren't intelligent or strong enough to recognize gossip and say - I don't want anything to do with it!!!

And for what? For a mere MAN?
Seriously ladies? Why women give men this amount of credit and importance is half of the problems feminism exists!

I got to get to work now but - if I can just leave you with a thought to ponder on;

Real strong women empower each other and want nothing to do with gossip.
And gossip is sometimes disguised as a good intention! 'I JUST WANT TO WARN YOU THAT SHE'S THIS AND THAT OR THOSE GUYS ARE NOT WHAT YOU THINK?'

She's the type of gossip mill that you really have to work on identifying be a use they often come disguised as mother Theresa - or disguised as your cheerleading squad - but really - they're the 'execution' team! Watch out for those types - they look like angels but with daggers under their wings!

Girls spread rumours and Conspiracy because girls haven't yet learned to overcome their  insecurities.

Today - make a constant decision on which one you want to be!

And men, unless you're Brad Pitt, Patrick Dempsey or Channing Tatum - you have no right to degrade a woman for her looks - let alone have a right to degrade a woman at all for whatever reason and I don't care who you are for that matter!

Let's just mind our own business and if you spot gossip just gently nudge them on the shoulder and do a good deed by helping them to rethink their actions!

Here are some quotes I really liked about the topic!

Enjoy and keep those lips sealed!

'Loose lips, sink ships!'

Frederick's Missing Portfolio Mystery!

Last week on Thursday I came home to a hysterical Frederick! Someone had stolen his Reading Programme portfolio! He summed it up, as pretty much the doing of his ( witch ) sisters! They were always taking his books and looking into his things and ' invading my privacy ' and 'they never ask for my permission!'

He'd lost a whole month's work and he was even up to his Masters with Honours!
He was gutted.

So I told him there's no point crying about it. (After we searched high and low, even contemplated asking the neighbours if they saw anything suspicious happening from our house while we were asleep).

Told him to go into the Library and put in as much work as he could complete on Saturday and submit that to his teacher.

He completed about two weeks work in four days!

Although he didn't hit his target, we are proud of him for not giving up when he was hit with an unfortunate situation that was out of his control!

There were days when I didn't feel like getting out of bed this week. But Fred's Missing Portfolio Mystery pushed me on!

When life threw lemons at him he made lemonade with it. (After a lot of screaming and kicking). But he got there in the end - it's not his Masters but this is one Reading Degree story to be proud of - AND his crafty sisters won't be having any of the chocolate jelly tip Whittaker that he's getting tonight!

You go get them books Master Frederick!

XXX

The struggles of creating a Magazine

When you're desperately trying to create a Magazine and meet your deadline so you can go to launch - and you realise three weeks prior to the estimated launch date that the name you picked (more like an impulsive wonderful idea at the time) is not going to work.

First - Pasefikaness is wayy too long.

Second - it's a commonly branded name across the region!

Third - you want to use a name that captures the concept of celebrating everything Pasefika but what better word to use than the word Pasefika itself and add in some NESS  for a sense of being, belonging, celebration!!!!
(And now I'm back to square one).

I've had sleepless nights over this name thing.

So I contact my Branding Designer and Web Designers.

'Ladies I want to change the name of the Magazine and I'm positive this is the final change.'

'Okay what is it?'

PEOPLE

'Oh but you could confuse your audience with a well established brand - you know the PEOPLE magazine?'

'And you might attract a law suit.'

'Oh right. I forgot about them. And no I have no money to defend any law suits.'

The Web Developer jumps in...'and it's going to mean a whole lot of changes to the templates and design if we change names.'

Oh! Yeah I thought it was just a few tweaking here and a few mouse presses there and the name change is done.

Not to mention, any changes means added costs!

Nope! It's actually a lot of work for the Web Developer to make those changes - and a complete overhaul of designs for the brand designer.

This is what writers like me, don't (pretend doesn't exist) know!

Back to square one.

More sleepless nights and spending my days mostly wandering off into space contemplating possible catchy names.

On top of it - we're looking for more contributing writers and content sub-editors for grammar and punctuation and all that stuff!

Just cos we love to write doesn't mean we're an ace at spotting out typographical errors and perfecting our grammars and punctuation!!!!

No way!

Every successful writer/author/journalist out there is or has worked with a team of sub-editors and editors,who act as an extra set of eyes - to carefully scrutinize all of their work, pull it apart and put it back together until the final product gets to you the reader finely tuned!

Then there are lay-out artists who put together all of the content in a professionally presentable manner that would appeal to the readers! They do all the photoshopping, cropping, enhancing, air brushing! They're like your fairy God Mothers.

They basically make you look good!

Web Designers! Crucial for an 'online magazine'.

Marketing and Business Development Analysts - after all what's the use of making something like a Magazine where you're punching in 60 hours a week (on top of your 9-5 full time job) and not make some money out of it?

Those are any writers' /journalists'/Magazine's Angels! Behind the scenes warriors - diligently running around like ninjas getting all of OUR sometimes unrealistic demands done!

So - got any ideas for a name that would capture our values of shedding light in successes of all Pasefika people and celebrating everything Pasefika?

Do sound it off in comments!

Want to write for us from anywhere in the world that you're based?

Drop me an inbox and I'll jump on it!

Do help a girl stay sane please! 😀

Look forward to hearing or reading some ideas from you!!

XXX

Why you should be slow to follow Faceless-book pages!

I have had plenty of extra time on my hands in the past few days, on the mend, recovering from a frightful case of tonsillitis, (nights curled into fetal position rocking back and forth in perceived cold shivers, under multi layers of mink blankets - whilst sporting high temperatures above the 40 celsius mark).
After an overnighter at the Emergency Room on Sunday night; got poked with needles for blood tests, Iv drips, and high doses of penicillin - I was back home before the children woke up for school on Monday.
A strictly five days off work medical certificate from the Doctor validated a whole lot of television and Internest  (a cocoon of warm soft blankets and cushions, that you surround yourself with while you browse the internet) surfing, from the comfort of my couch these past two days!

The sickation (sick leave/vacation) didn't last long. I got bored watching Dr. Phil and that Jeremy Kyle lie detector test show, so I decided to do a bit of investigation for myself on facebook.

There are so many pages/groups that we come across on facebook and that's great! A lot of these groups/pages promote Healthy Living, Exercise, Eating Well, Clean Eating; promotes Civil Rights, Women and Girls Empowerment, Weightloss, Cooking, and more. My favorites are the ' motivational quotes ' pages - now those ones have a positive clear message. To motivate and impact positive thinking and actions amongst individuals. You don't have to be a psychologist or a well accredited counselor for that - you just need some life experiences, compassion and positivity!

There are business and private organisations' pages, which are often always obvious and have the legit look. They have websites, actual addresses, mail box/postal addresses, contact phone numbers, and they have feasible products that they're trying to sell.

Then there are the corporate players and power house organisations, like the UNDP, or the National Party, Prime Minister John Key, Government Departments and Corporations, All Blacks, Mainstream News Agencies like TNVZ One News, NZ Herald online, Stuff.co.nz, Financial institutions, Banks, Franchises, Supermarkets, Cinemas, Malls; you name it - it's on facebook. You'll be sure they'll have Twitter, Instagram, Tumbler and all those other social media networks that I can never have the time to learn more about.

But the pages that I became particularly curious with were the ones taking authority of specific cultural or ethnic representations.

Often targeting their audience with a tone of humour when addressing them, and taking on random titles like - 'Confessions of a Samoan Princess', 'Samoana', 'Polynesian Warriors', 'Paradise', 'One Love', 'Pacific Islanders' the list is endless.
At first, most of it all looked harmless, just promoting cultural arts, traditions, basic ethnic language awareness, scenery for the adventurous tourist. I thought, hmmmmmm not much of a threat to the general public.

But then I come across a random one promoting views on youth and social development as well as employment. I walk through the statuses of the last three to four months' (Yes I was truly bored but too ill for the mind to do any 'real' work) posts, calling all unemployed people to get off the couch and go to work (okay - I agree with you to some extent there, I consider this a case by case basis), then proceeds to shame all the unemployed.

Not long into my enquiries and I figure out who the admin is... one of their followers makes a comment tagging their name to it and they respond under the page name (huge giveaway). I check out the tagged admin's profile, and wha la - "Officially finished the semester today, (hashtag) jobless, if you see me be generous and buy me some lunch! - Laugh Out Loud emoticon."
Sistah looked to be in her 20 years of life of on earth, or early twenties and never held a job in her entire life.

Then I find another one, this one is a lot more brave, more opinionated, strong views, valid points, good researched topics, she/he is what the blogging world would deem as someone getting their blogging ideas from the views of others (as most of the posts are extended posts of similar opinions raised elsewhere).

Then I come across an assertive post with a beautiful picture of a woman bearing markings of the traditional malu tatoo for Samoan women, cracking a coconut shell, about to scrape the coconut off the shell for preparation of either a umu or a fa'alifu. It's not clear in the photo which traditional cooking procedure she was about to embark on - but the status read; "How about we make it a rule - that you must learn to cook a umu first before you can get a malu?"
I sneered at this - it was clearly a very immature generalisation, and one may consider it shaming other women who have taken the traditional markings.

How does one make the assumption that all women who have had a malu, have not had the experience of making a umu, or preparing a fa'alifu? Just because they either chose not to post pictures (or don't have any pictures) of them cracking a coconut, or squeezing coconut milk with a tauaga? For all you know, they could have just been posing for the photos and then immediately handed the task back to the actual people preparing the food!

So I did a bit of digging, found their true profile, early-mid twenties, unclear whether they were born in Samoa or NZ, but one thing was clear, they have never prepared a fa'alifu or a umu before (at least in the traditional way)!

There are pages outright shaming young women and girls. The vulgarity of the language used is abhorrent and disgusting. It is disappointing to see how the youth of my country are spending most of their time and to read their tunnel vision views. It didn't take long for me to figure out that the administrator/s were based out of Samoa. What's more insane are the amount of mutual friends that I have, who have liked these pages!

That's easy - you go to the 'friends who have liked this page button' and boom!

Really people? Wouldn't you rather be reading up or following a page more beneficial to your health, lifestyle, personal development and or matters of current affairs?

Alarmingly, these pages are attracting thousands of followers. I'm theorising that this is mostly due to their 'humour' tone, use of everyday basic 'slang' language - it appeals to the younger generations, and mostly divorced, widowed or single men and women. (Yes I took the time to connect a common pattern of the followers of these pages).

I'm not going to name these faceless armchair heros. No - that would be way too much irresponsible fun, and no this post is not about calling them out and hanging them to dry. I do not stand to gain a thing from that at all.

This is for you reading - yes you - so you can start making better informed decisions and be a little bit more cautious and inquisitive of the authors of the material that you're reading. For all you know, you could be learning about the heirachy of the matai system from a first year university student, barely out of their twenties, with way too much time on their hands. Or you could be getting job search tips, or ideas of what unemployment and employment ought to look like from someone who has not held a job in all of their young life!

You may be learning and getting influence on critical issues of gender equality, ethnicity, identity and culture from someone who may still be struggling with the infamous Lemalu Tate Simi question - 'Who am I?'

There are some credible pages with similar tones, audiences, key messages and values floating around on facebook.
Here's a tip - the authors or administrators usually invite you to LIKE their pages themselves.
Sometimes, your friends invite you to like these pages.
Hold them (page authors/administrators) to account - make the effort and send them a message (there are no rules stopping you), simply inquire - who they are, so you're aware of who's behind the page and the information provided.
Become a responsible facebooker. Be responsible and alert of the information that you expose yourself and digest. More importantly, make it your business to know your source.
Another tip - usually the credible authors/administrators who use random titles for page branding and property authentication - repost their statuses onto their personal pages. From there you may decided for yourself whether the information portrayed by that specific person comes from a place of experience, credibility, learned knowledge that you can trust or perhaps their information requires a bit more analysing.

Its important to know who your authors are - especially where intricate matters of social and cultural issues are concerned. Information is only as good, valueable, and helpful as it's source. Social media is so readily accessible worldwide, it is vastly becoming the 'new' mainstream media. But with no academic, experience, expert knowledge filters, it's any man's game really.
It's worrying if the opinions and subsequently therefore, the understanding of people, on what their cultural and ethnical values; become hugely influenced by unsolicited inexperienced, often biased and inobjective views of some random faceless-book pages.

The number one rule of credibility is crediting the source of information.
It is purely why I choose to blog under my real name, and run a facebook page for an upcoming online Magazine venture that I'm working on - aligned to my real name. Many prominent journalists, authors, writers; you'll find, use their real names to run facebook pages and blogs for that very core reason. That credibility is fundamental to integrity of information and source.

If you're going to have an opinion about matters that impact on individuals' wellbeing and the wider community in general, then by all means, may you have the resilience and enough heart to face their feedback and criticism.

How I met Jerry Collins

I know. You read the the title above and probably rolled your eyes thinking, darn, here's another one. Every Samoan around the globe either associates themselves as his cousin, brother, friend, colleague, neighbour, uso you name it. Especially now with so much publicity surrounding his sudden death - he is a rugby great after all.
But this post isn't about that at all.

The tragic car accident that has led to his sudden departure and the devastating conditions surrounding his death, the death of his wife Alana Madill, and their 3 months old daughter fighting for her life in hospital - has shocked the whole world, not just the Samoan communities. It shocked me so much - that I've had to put a hold on my studies for next week's exams to blog about it.

It has shocked the rugby community worldwide.

The shock, coupled with the terrifying aftermath of a child orphaned by such a cruel twist of fate, events, life or whatever you may wish to call it - has left many fans, friends and families heartbroken as witnessed all over social media networks. The tragedy is a strong message to all of us, of just how flimsy this life that we live can be.

You see, I don't really know him.

All that I know about JC is probably just as much as any other fan does about him, which is mostly from reports in the media.

THAT he is a passionate and proud player when he puts on that rugby jersy - that we can all evidently see when he's on the field - you can't miss that with every blowover, hard made tackle or skillful evasive run from his adversaries towards the goal line.

THAT he was a 'wrecking ball' on the field - that is without contest and if you're a rugby fan - we all know that without having to read some blog about it.

THAT he was a 'cheeky All Black' known for spending a penny on the side of the grandstand just before a game in Christchurch 2006 - caught on camera - only Jerry got away with something like that. His friends and community in France say in reports that the mischievious JC has grown up with fatherhood.

THAT he was always down to earth with journalists and known for comments like 'what you see is what you get' attitude - that we know from reports once again.

THAT he asked to be released from his New Zealand rugby contract at the early age of 27 and went offshore to play his rugby - that confused me as a fan and a lot of rugby critics felt it was the wrong call - but he stood by his decision and had stated that it was the right time for him to bow out of NZ rugby and his All Blacks career.

THAT he was humble and had no pretentions about who he was - that I had had the priviledge to witness first hand.

I first met JC back in 2004 when he was at the height of his All Black career. My husband who had just come out of contracted rugby in New Zeland three years prior to that, had left some good imprints and made what would be some helpful associations for himself in later life. JC was in Samoa to visit his family in Leufisa a neigbouring village to Apia (where we lived) and they decided to get together for a night in the town. That's when I first met him.
I was somewhat anxious about the meet. I asked my husband "What do I wear to meet a famous All Black player?" Danny laughed this off, he obviously knew that JC wouldn't care less what one wore to meet him. But hey, don't tell that to a woman.
When we finally met him that night with another of Danny's cousin from Wellington, he was nothing I had imagined him to be.

I had imagined that he would probably be really sophisticated and prefer to dine at an exquisite restaurant and drink beer from a glass in a million dollar suit.
I had actually made the effort of buying an expensive new dress, had my hair done by a hair stylist friend, and brought out fancy jewellry for the occassion. I was not about to go and meet an All Black who knew my husband from his rugby days (where he no doubt had fair share of attention from the ladies) looking like your regular island chic! No way! I am a strong believer of 'first impressions' go a long way.

I was slightly disappointed. Jerry showed up in jandals, an All Black singlet and shorts! YES - SHORTS! His first words after we were introduced - "So where's the best pub in town man?" What he failed to impress in his choice of clothing he made up with his overwhelming presence and damn good humour. We had finger foods and a lot of vailima and a lot of carousing that night.

It was the first time I'd seen a man down a whole large Vailima bottle (Samoan beer) in one straight go! He was afterall in his mid twenties then and very much finely sculpted with lean muscle and strength! He outdrank my husband, and all the other guys who joined in on the drinking game that night - whilst I sat there in the midst of all these men - being boys!
It was quite the scene! What grabbed me was the fact that he did not have any idea of just what a big deal he was at that time, especially in tiny Apia. It did not resonate with him that he was a rugby star. He was just another guy, in a bar, having fun.

That week, we would see him on the streets of Apia, shorts and shirtless, going for his runs in the evenings. On some days he would be walking along the streets with his ie lavalava. He was photographed in the local daily paper at a local school sharing his rugby stories with the children. JC was very much just a man.

He had not only given rugby fans worldwide great rugby memories, he has contributed immensely to the Samoan KIWI DREAM! He is a product of a successful migration into NZ. A migration for a better future, better education, better health care, better lifestyle for our children and generations to come - with a lot of hard work and determination. Born in Samoa, he and his parents migrated into New Zealand at a young age, and he started his rugby in the heart of P Town - Porirua!

You can't get any more fresh than Porirua. But that's where it all began.
He was not just any other Samoan rugby player.

He was living proof that dreams do come true, if you work really hard, give it your 120%, and believe that you can achieve anything you put your mind to, and when you do, you live it down with humility and truth.

That is how so many young boys aspiring to be All Blacks throughout NZ and Samoa will remember him.

Yesterday, it was reported that rugby played at all levels throughout NZ commemorated JC and spent 10 minutes of silence in his honour. Rugby legends throughout the world,have all been sending tributes for JC and his family, including McCaw, Mealama and Umaga.

My sons have been devastated by this heart-breaking terrible news.
It has come as a shock for many young boys not just in NZ but also worldwide, his copper hair, boyish ways and humour has left imprints in the hearts of many young rugby fans.

Even though I met JC and spent one night in his company, I wouldn't say that I knew him. But the young life he lived in the last 34 years has most definitely been what he wanted it to be - 'what you see is what you get.'

We saw and felt great presence, an enormous personality, humility, pride of his country of birth and family, pride of his NZ upbringing and life. We saw a hardworking dedicated man, and lately we saw a man inlove, and a proud father.
That is the JC I know and we all know.

May his sudden passing ever remind us of what the Samoan KIWI DREAM is all about - and that well...life is too short to be anything or anyone else that we are not.

Our sincerest condolences to both families. know that you're not alone in your loss.

Rest in Peace, Love and Warmth Jerry Collins and Alana Madill - and continuous prayers for your dearest daughter Ayla.
Gone too soon - and will never be forgotten.

Scarlet Lies - A spellbinding delight!

Just as alluring as its main character, this piece of fiction has had me captivated right from the first page. I must admit, I am not much of a ‘chick flick’ book reader.

Don’t get me wrong, I love watching movies from those wonderful books, and I'm a big sucker for romance, but I could never have the stamina to read through the books, it just seemed like an overload of Almond Magnum chocolates at times, too much sweetness and too much smoothness all in one place, can be, mind numbing.

Especially when you're a mother of five like me, and have crap short term and long term memory, because your brain has constructed various boxes instead, to categorise information and memories in your head, simultaneously, (or what I trick my brain to believe to be mutlitaksing), and whilst you try and read a newspaper, or a newsletter or romantic novel, your brain keeps interrupting your reading with reminders of things that you haven't done that you need to do, like have you called the 'Garage door man' to fix the garage door, or have you rang child number two's school to check on his school work progress, or have you finished those reports due in Court on Friday, and have you bought dinner etc. etc. etc.

Yes, when you have that type of brain, it is very hard for a book of romance to gauge your attention and then hold it for half an hour to atleast get to know the characters and what it's all about.

I am more of a John Grisham and James Patterson kinda gal! Solving horrific crimes and murder mysteries, with a twist of romance in it now and then,a bit of scandalous relations here and there, is more my flow. For example, my current obsessions on Television are, Scandal, Revenge, How to get away with Murder and State of Affairs. The world of solving Crime mixed with Pleasure always has my undivided attention like no other! It's a mystery to me!

But, like she did with her Telesa Series, Lani Wendt Young, has gone and convert me all over again!

I loved Scarlet right from the very first time I was introduced to her. I love that she has big thigh problems like me, and loves to eat, read, write and is very much of a rebel where family history lies. I love her struggles with spandex, shoes, and her ignorance of her beauty, which not only starts from inside, but also pours out onto her physical appearance.

The tone of humour used in portraying deep traditional family troubles and history, culture and mindsets of old Samoa vs contemporary Samoa, set by Young in this book, is nothing short of the many realities that any family experiences and as a reader, I could relate to so many different aspects set in the book. It had me nodding with every sentence! Yup.

What else do I love? (Trying really hard not to get you sick with too much almond chocolate magnums here).
How often do you read about a fiction, set in current day Samoa, with scenes at the local Apia town, hotels, restaurants, clubs and shops?

Oh and lets not forget the traditional Samoan delicacies and scrumptious rich cuisines and the exotic tropical flowers.

You can almost taste and smell the scents infilterating the senses and you actually experience salivating at various scenes with pagi popo and charcoal bbqs on the beach. (I usually have to get up and drink a glass of water during those scenes to stop myself from wanting to eat). That's how effective Young's words can be.

I love her use of rich vocabulary; this writer will have ten or more words or terms to describe a scene, feelings, an atmosphere, the sunshine and white sandy beaches, the lushious greenery of Samoa. It actually captures traditional and cultural views that can be good and damaging at the same time. I want to add this book to my list of great innovative unforgettable ways to market Samoa to the world. If I had never been to Samoa and my first knowledge of her, would be from this book - I would definitely be working towards a vacation.

I love the book's honest raw take on Scarlet's relationship with her younger sister Naomi. I am an only child, but I know from my cousins and friends, that sometimes, we don't always think our siblings are the best of people.
Scarlet struggles with her 'love hate' relationship with her sister. But as the story continues we learn the reality of sibling love. That - blood is indeed deeper than any struggle we have with each other.

I love that Scarlet has a leading delicious man who appears to be under the spell of her mysterious beauty. AND yes ladies, he is a Gawd! Chisseled top form, bounds of muscle and taut flesh, accessorized with great eyes, hair and slap of gentlemanly honour for the ladies! He's the man we (I) dreamt of before I got married! But the question is; will Scarlet let her haunting past, come between them?

I'll leave the rest for you to find out!

All I know is - I'm buying the second book ALREADY!

Congratulations Lani Wendt Young - you make me believe that my own stories can come to life too.

Blessings.

Xxx